


Clone High: Inspired and Organic

by Threebranch



Category: Clone High, Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Abe Character Development
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28265178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threebranch/pseuds/Threebranch
Summary: My very first fanfic on AO3! The year is 2022, and the agents of O.W.C.A. are heading towards the town of Exclamation to face the biggest challenge that they've ever faced as an organization. This is my version of a Clone High reboot/continuation.
Relationships: Cleopatra & Abraham Lincoln (Clone High)
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When this show concluded in 2003, I was nothing more than a preschool kid with no knowledge of the world beyond what I was used to. Now I'm a 22 year old college graduate working a full time job which hurts me a lot more than it should.
> 
> But enough about that. The series is getting a reboot/continuation and I want to put in what I think is going to happen during the course of this new show. This is pretty much for everyone who's curious as to what has happened after Episode 13.
> 
> This is just my personal interpretation. The writers of the show could do literally anything at this point.
> 
> With all that being said, please enjoy this prologue I came up with. Please.
> 
> Clone High: Inspired and Organic
> 
> Prologue

It was Charles Darwin who said that one who has wasted one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.

If there was one word that Dr. Cinnamon J. Scudworth would use to describe the past nineteen years, it would be eventful. There most certainly wasn't a dull moment for the 63 year old man.

How could it? He worked hard to keep what he got. Through a combination of honest work as well as a few liquid nitrogen heists sprinkled in every few months to keep the blood flowing. Both literally and metaphorically.

Right now, it is four in the morning on August 25th 2022. A Thursday. In his office at Clone High.

The reason why he's up so early in the morning? He's mentally preparing himself to welcome back the multitude of students that he had only preserved, not interacted with, for many years.

He's now silently staring at his computer screen gently tapping his fingers on the principal's desk as he hears the ever familiar sound of squeaking tires come closer to him.

"Wesley…"

Dr. Scudworth was practically alone during that long period of time, but he was never lonely. The robotic voice he heard was that of Mr. Butlertron AKA Mr. B. A well-maintained creation of his own making.

Ever since the chilling night of 2003, his workload had only increased. Robots are incapable of emotion, but this one is. The red cardigan wearing robot speaks to the doctor. "Your guest has arrived."

"Send him in."

He looks up from his computer to see an old acquaintance of his from back in the day.

A smart looking man wearing a labcoat and a black turtleneck. His hair is dark brown with the exception of a few graying ones; implying that he has reached the age of 50 not too long ago.

Scudworth then hears his German accent.

"Dr. Scudworth! It's great to see you again!"

Smiling, Scudworth gets up from his chair and slowly makes his way to hug his guest, silently cursing his aging body after he stands up.

After sharing a brief hug, he speaks. "I could say the same thing about you, Dr. Doofenshmirtz! It seemed just like yesterday when I heard you knocking on my door demanding that I briefly tutor you on the basics of cloning!"

Looking at the two doctors, Mr. B rolls his eyes. "If I remember correctly, it took him a LOT of begging for him to convince you."

Scudworth looks at Mr. B. "He said that I wouldn't regret it, and I didn't." He points at Doofenshmirtz. "This man is a prodigy when it comes to science and robotics! When I saw what this man is capable of doing with a little more than a box of scraps and an electric mixer, that was the moment when I felt a special connection between the two of us. I help him build his Plata-profilatorinator…"

He walks over to his desk and takes out a small, tube shaped device from a drawer.

"And in return, he made me this nose hair trimmer-inator. NEVER have I needed scissors to cut my nose hairs again!"

This doesn't amuse Mr. B. "It was ONE time that I accidentally cut you while trimming your nose."

"It took a WEEK for the bleeding to stop!"

Doofenshmirtz crosses his arms. "If only Dr. Gevaarlijk treated me like you did, Scudworth. You know, I got to say. I was really surprised when I got that letter from you saying that you wanted me to meet you here early in the morning. Now here I am. What's this all about? Is there something important you want to show me?"

"I never thought you were going to ask!" Scudworth happily takes out a remote control and points it at a nearby television screen. Showing a live surveillance feed of multiple iconic points of the town of Exclamation, Florida. (Pop. 7,520. Also conveniently located 30 miles away from Tampa.)

"You remember how I told you about all those people that I've frozen in place back in 2003?"

Doofenshmirtz raises an eyebrow. "No."

Scudworth taps his chin. "Okay, I'll give you a brief explanation:

A bunch of shady government HACKS were on their way to kill me, and they WOULD have… if it wasn't for John Stamos.

It was through his plan that these clones are frozen and those goons are now on their way back to where they came from. I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for him."

Doofenshmirtz scratches the back of his neck. "Wow… that's a… that's a lot to take in all at once. No wonder why I haven't seen any of those clones of yours. I always thought they were walking the streets in cities like, I don't know. San Antonio? Branson? Maybe even Cleveland?"

Scudworth raises his hands. "Oh no. Never Cleveland. I wouldn't do that. But what I AM going to do is give all these rich folks a show that they'll NEVER forget!"

That caught Doofenshmirtz's attention. "Huh? Rich folks?"

Scudworth nods. "You see, Cloney Island really was a good idea while it lasted, until I saw the movie 'Jurassic World!' It completely made me rethink my entire plan! That got me thinking. I'll make a fortune producing a show exclusive to the ones LEAST likely to take offense to these clones: RICH PEOPLE!

A TRUE… rope of sand if I do say so myself."

Doofenshmirtz was about to ask what a 'rope of sand' was supposed to be when a very familiar face literally dropped from the ceiling.

The iconic fedora wearing agent of O.W.C.A. himself.

"Perry the Platypus!?" Doofenshmirtz yells out.

The platypus stares daggers into the scientist as he tries to explain himself. Growing more impatient by the second because he's the reason why he woke up so early today.

"Allow me to explain what's going on here! Dr. Scudworth is conducting something like The Truman Show that involves clones that have been frozen for nearly 20 years. There also may or may not be another show that pays attention to everything we've been doing so there's that!"

Perry says nothing as he simply cracks his knuckles, ready for a fight.

"Now hold on just a moment, Wesley." His attention then quickly turns to the red cardigan wearing robot looking directly at him.

"I'm not going to simply stand by and watch you fight one of Scudworth's acquaintances. He won't like it." Mr. B moves in front of the two doctors. "If you want to get to them. You have to get through ME first."

Perry wastes no time and charges at Mr. B. He jumps in the air and tries to kick him from above.

This doesn't work however, as Mr. B catches him as he tries to land his blow. Using the wheels plated on the floor, he spins the platypus around, not feeling an ounce of sickness.

Doofenshmirtz shouts at Scudworth. "Give them space! Give them space!"

"Don't damage the T.V. Mr. B!" Scudworth shouts as he exits the room with his friend.

As soon as they make it to the hallway, Scudworth questions Doofenshmirtz.

"So… what made you think you could compare what I'm doing here to the TRUMAN SHOW!?" He says while being slightly annoyed.

"Wait hear me out." Said Doofenshmirtz. "Imagine if the Truman Show came out today. What would it have? Smartphones. Social media. Youtube. Well, maybe not Youtube, but…"

He then stops talking. Scudworth bursts out into laughter.

"Hahahahahaha! Maybe what I'm doing really IS like the Truman Show. I'm doing something like that already, Heinz. I've had Mr. B wipe out their memories while also implanting fake ones before we started the hypnosis part of our de-freezing process."

This amazed Doofenshmirtz and it showed. "You thought THAT far ahead?"

Scudworth shrugs. "Well, there's always the off-chance that the memory-wiping DOESN'T work on one of them… but I wouldn't put money on it."

It was then that a loud crashing sound was heard by the two of them as they saw Perry the Platypus fly out of the room through the glass of the door.

The door is then opened by Mr. B. He stares at his defeated opponent. "That's what you get for damaging the ceiling. Now guess who has to clean all this trash up?"

As Perry starts to stand back up, he hears beeping coming from his wristwatch. He activates it to see the face of his superior agent, Major Monogram.

"Agent P! Agent P!" He sounded urgent. More frightened than anything. "Abort current mission! Repeat! Abort current mission! A group of shadowy figures have infiltrated a secret O.W.C.A. base! Report back to headquarters and await further instructions! That is an ORDER!"

"Phase one… complete. Those hacks don't suspect a THING!" Thought Scudworth as he wore a smug grin.

Sighing, Perry gives Doofenshmirtz another glare before running off to whatever transport was waiting for him outside.

Scudworth claps his hands together. "Welp! THAT happened! The sun's about to rise any moment now. So let us both sit down and watch the show!"

Mr. B moves closer to Doofenshmirtz. "Can I make you a cup of tea, Wesley?"

Doofenshmirtz looks down at Mr. B and smiles.

"I would LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you very much!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In NICKtndo's video on Clone High, according to Lord and Miller, Season 2 of Clone High would have the memories of all the clones erased and would have to start their junior year over again.
> 
> So that's exactly what I'm going to be doing. This is a retelling of Clone High Season 1 except that there's going to be new stories, new characters, and everybody carries a smartphone.
> 
> However, the narrator has just got to go. This is a fanfiction. Not a T.V. show.
> 
> I'll also check back in with Scudworth and undercover Agent Doof from time to time, so look forward to that.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

It's a quiet morning for the people of Exclamation, Florida.

They're all starting the first day of their lives whether they know it or not.

What could possibly go wrong today? That was on the minds of the high school students on their way to the start of the brand new school year.

One of these students is the iconic 6 foot 4 inch teenager wearing a blue and white shirt and khaki jeans.

While the air around him is as quiet as an abyss, the music ringing in his ears is what separates the clone of Abe Lincoln to it.

Walking to school, Abe shuts his eyes as he immerses himself in his music. Singing along to the lyrics.

"...Give me reason, to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean.

Let the thoughts cross, the distance in your eyes!

Give me reason, to fill this hole; connect the space between!

Let it fill up to reach the truth and lies!

Across this…"

"Abe! ABE!"

Unknown to Abe, somebody was trying to get his attention. He finally got it when he reached out and yanked the earbuds from his ears.

Abe snaps out of his musical trance. "Huh!? Hey! What gives!?"

He looks down to see the face of his friend, Mahatma Gandhi. Considerably shorter than his friend, but is always ready to face the day along with him.

Gandhi looks over at the earbuds that he pulled from Abe's ears.

"Uh, Abe? You know that there are WIRELESS earbuds now, right? These are like… prehistoric."

Abe takes his earbuds back from Gandhi.

"Unlike you, I prefer to have something connected to my phone while listening to Linkin Park."

"Linkin Park?" Gandhi said, unimpressed. "Every time I catch you listening to music, it's always Linkin Park. Like, do you listen to anything else?"

The two of them continue to walk to school together while Abe argues back.

"Hey, I listen to other stuff! It's just that you walk in everytime I listen to Linkin Park. You know, this isn't even the first time you yank my earbuds out, you know. I'm sick of it!"

"Hey, you were just about to fall off the sidewalk walking with your eyes shut like that. You looked like you were having a lucid dream." Gandhi argues back.

As soon as he said that, something occurred in both their minds. They both have huge respect for a rapper of a certain song who unfortunately passed away in 2019.

Gandhi then starts singing a few lyrics.

"I still see your shadows in my room.

Can't take back the love that I gave you!"

Abe continues the song.

"It's to the point where I love and I hate you.

And I cannot change you, so I must replace you, oh!"

They sing together.

"Easier said than done! I thought you were the one!

Listening to my heart instead of my head!"

Abe finishes off the verse.

"You found another one, but I am the better one!

I won't let you forget me!"

Their short lived enjoyment is then completely cut off as they both hear a voice call out from in front of them.

"What are you guys SINGING!?"

The two guys look at the red haired, goth teenage girl staring back at them. She's standing under a tree as if she was waiting for them the whole time.

"Joan of Arc!" Gandhi yells out. "Have you, uh, read any good books lately!? Hahaha!"

Joan narrows her eyes. "I have, actually, not any that YOU would be interested in."

As the three walk to Clone High together, Abe smiles at Joan.

"Welcome back, Joan. Remind me to share some of Juice WRLD's songs with you later. I could listen to his songs for hours… and I have!"

Joan smiles back. "If you think it's something worth listening to, I'll listen."

The three teens then stop in front of the school. Taking a moment to look at it from top to bottom. If the school was seen from above, one would see that the design looks like the letter 'c.'

"Well, brand new year, same old faces." Said Abe as he puts his hands on his hips.

To their left is the clone of Voltaire listening to the clone of Nostradamus reading from a book.

"In the twin year, a queen will come from the east and spread a plague in the darkness of night.

When it reaches the country with seven hills, it shall transform the twilight of men into dust; plunging the world into chaos."

"Bro." Said Voltaire. "That sounds like… vague and stuff."

To their right are two clones, one wearing mostly red and the other wearing mostly blue.

"I gotta say, Vergil. This story really captures the characterization of the characters as well as delivers a well thought out plot twist at the end. I just can't stop thinking about it."

The clone dressed in blue, Vergil, nodded. "Well Dante, if I have the time… I'll check out your fanfiction."

Abe then hears Joan sigh before commenting. "Well… here we go again."

The inside of the school is just as lively as the outside. Making their way to their assigned lockers, Joan speaks with Abe again.

"You know, Abe, I've been thinking, I'm gonna date a lot more this year."

When she noticed that he wasn't saying anything back, she looked at him to see that he's not even looking at what's ahead of him. He's looking down at his phone like two-thirds of the students in the hallway are doing already.

Behind Abe, she can see Gandhi slam into a locker because he was looking down at his phone.

"Abe! Are you listening to me!?" She yells out.

Abe looks up. "Huh? Oh, sorry Joan. I was just looking at Cleopatra's Instagram page. You won't BELIEVE what she's influencing!"

Joan raises an eyebrow. "Cleo? Influencing? Influencing what?"

She then snatches Abe's smartphone and looks at it. On the screen is Cleo's string of posts along with a bunch of different pictures of her showing off all kinds of products.

Makeup, expensive health foods, and her most recent post: a twenty dollar bottle of water called 'Velvion.'

Joan smirks. "You know, Abe, there's a word that I like to use to describe people like her."

She looks up from the phone only to see that Abe has already spent twenty dollars at a nearby vending machine that carries Velvion water.

Abe smiles before taking a drink. "What? Promoters of underrated products?"

This baffles Joan. She was going to say 'sell-out,' but it appears that Cleo has the power to make a bunch of guys buy stupidly expensive stuff just by taking a picture of herself with that same product.

"Uh, no… I mean…"

She is then cut off by the familiar voice of Cleopatra Smith rushing down the hallway.

"Didn't I tell you that I never wanted to see you again, JFK!? We're through!"

Cleopatra, to put it simply, looked like an Egyptian goddess. There may not be one boy in Clone High that doesn't think she's beautiful.

Following Cleopatra is the once loved but now disgraced JFK. He looks like if the younger version of John F. Kennedy travelled through time to live in the 21st century.

The characters look exactly like they did in the show, okay?

JFK raises his voice. "Come on, Cleo! I, er, uh, just don't have enough time in the day to look at social media! All it did was distract me from my work!"

Cleo angrily looks at JFK. "Do you really think a relationship is going to work when only ONE of us has a connection to the world!?"

JFK argues back. "Aw, don't worry about stuff like that, baby. I, er, uh, don't care what anybody else thinks about us! You ARE my world!"

This calms Cleo down a little. "Wow, JFK, that has got to be…" She gets angry again. "THE STUPIDEST thing anyone has ever said to me!"

JFK sighs. "You know what? I'm DONE arguing with you, Cleo! You ain't ever gonna find anyone like me!"

Cleo rolls her eyes. "That's the whole point!"

As Abe sees JFK walk away, he comments.

"Wow. I still can't believe JFK deleted all his accounts. I can't even imagine living life without one. It's like air or water or maybe sleep."

Joan looks at Abe. "I don't have a social media account."

Abe smirks while bringing the expensive water closer to his mouth. "Well, it sounds like you'd get along just fine with JFK. Haha."

Before Abe could take another sip, he hears Cleo's voice, this time in a much more seductive tone.

"Hi Abe."

Abe quickly looks at Cleo, with Joan following.

Cleo continues talking. "I saw that quote that you posted on Facebook this morning: The goal in life isn't to live forever, but to create something that will. That really, spoke out to me."

The fact that his crush was even talking to him sent Abe into a state of pure happiness. "Wait, you, ACTUALLY, look at my posts!?"

Cleo continues smiling. "Of course! How many classes have I shared with you?"

It was then that Gandhi slid into the conversation.

"We've had every class together last year!"

Cleo looks at Gandhi. "Do I know you?"

Gandhi shakes his head. "I'm Abe's best friend. Abe's the quoteposter and I'm the memeposter. I post meme compilations. I could forward you one if you want."

"Yeah, I don't really pay attention to those." Said Cleo. She looks at Abe again. "Anyway, Abe. I hope to see more of those empowering quotes of yours soon. They really do help me out with my day sometimes." She then points to the expensive water he's holding. "Hey, are you gonna finish that?"

She takes the water from Abe and casually pours a bit of it on her face, licking her lips a little before handing it back to him. "I'll see you later, handsome." She walks away, swaying her hips.

Abe happily looks at Joan. "Joan! I'm on her radar!"

Joan sighs. "Yeah, I'm happy for you. You know, maybe I should get one of these… accounts."

Abe then jumps up and down, moving down the hallway. "Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! She called me hand-AAAHH!"

He crashes into the trophy cabinet. Blood is pouring from the glass.

Joan sighs. "I'll get the gauze."

It's a packed briefing room in the O.W.C.A. headquarters. Agents from A to Z are giving their undivided attention as this usually never happens.

Sitting straight in the center is Perry the Platypus; looking half interested. Agent Doof didn't tell him anything about the robot butler in their previous briefing, but it's been 12 years since Doofenshmirtz met Scudworth, so some things did change over time.

Beside him are Harry the Hyena, Maggie the Macaw, and Karen the cat.

After what seemed like forever, Major Monogram worked up the courage to step up on stage and face the 26 animal agents and Carl the Intern.

"Agents of O.W.C.A." The Major begins speaking. "While you all may be used to handling whatever assignments we have given you with nearly no complaints, I"m afraid we're all facing something so big, it's gonna dwarf everything else we've fought during our time together.

Approximately two hours ago, one of our smaller facilities has been broken into. At first, we thought that it was just some troublesome trespassers, but it was unfortunately, much more worse than that.

You see, the facility that was broken into has previously belonged to another… another. I'm not quite sure how to say this. I'm still trying to find the best words to describe it."

It was then that the giant television screen behind Monogram that was used to project him during his lecture, started emitting static.

It stayed that way for a few seconds before it started to display the face of the shady government figure frequently shown in Clone High antagonizing Scudworth.

"Well, Major Monogram…" He says in a voice not unlike that of a 17 year old boy. "Just be happy that I'm going to explain everything to these… deplorable agents so you don't have to."

"GENERAL CLASSIFIED!" Monogram screams out.

General Classified smiles at that name. "As you already know, my real name is so classified, so secret, that I don't even know it. Really, they erased it from my mind. That's how secret this division of the United States government really is. At least O.W.C.A. associates get to keep THEIRS!"

Monogram raises his fist. "Just because you've disappeared for nearly TWENTY years doesn't mean you can just go do whatever you want!"

"That's where you're wrong, Monogram." Said General Classified. "We're going to continue on with our original plan for Project: Cloned Patriot. We're going to send about a dozen different army recruiters over to Exclamation when the clones make it to Clone State. There, they'll keep getting pressured until they end up joining the military as soldiers, which we will then show off in a bunch of online ads. You know the ones that you see before looking at an online video. When we're done, there won't even be a NEED for O.W.C.A.

Is that… water that's leaking out of your face, Major?"

Major Monogram is so angry, tears are running down his face.

"O.W.C.A. will do everything it can to stop ALL of you!"

"That's going to be easier said than done; thanks to those who wished to help us achieve our goals." Said General Classified. "Until next time." He leaves the conversation.

Major Monogram falls to his knees. "I NEVER FORGOT WHAT YOU SAID TO ME AT THE ACADEMY, CLASSIFIED! I NEVER FORGOT!"

Perry the Platypus shakes his head and crosses his arms.

This is going to be a long mission.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

"Okay Abe, this next quote needs to be perfect."

It's almost 7 o' clock in the morning and Abe is pacing back and forth in front of his laptop like he does every morning.

Usually, he would have no problem coming up with an inspirational quote to post before heading off to school, but now that he knows that Cleo would be reading it, everything turned backwards and upside down for him.

Finally deciding on a quote, he sat down and typed it out.

"Never take life for granted.

Savor every sunrise.

Because no one is promised tomorrow…

Or even the rest of the day. -Eleanor Brown."

"So… he DIDN'T make it?"

On the other side of town, Scudworth is showing Doofenshmirtz the resting place of the finest man that he ever knew.

He sniffs as he wipes a tear from his eye. "John Stamos, he was the ONLY one who didn't make it out of that freezer alive. He spent his last moments making sure that a man who not only hated him, but also went so far as to gouge one of his eyes out, made out of that building alive. But do you know what I REALLY come to hate after all these years?"

Doofenshmirtz raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"It's that the world seemingly just… FORGOT that John Stamos even EXISTED, and it's not just him either. It's everybody else that took a part in that conga line. I mean, you'd THINK his WIFE would be skeptical that he never came back home, but there was nothing!" Said Scudworth.

They stand over the grave for a little while longer before he happily claps his hands; getting Doofenshmirtz's attention.

"WELL, he's not getting any deader and WE'RE not getting any younger! I figure that there's enough time in the morning for us to take a tour of Exclamation's new mini golf course!"

He then points to a towering foundation over the horizon. It dwarves every other building in sight.

This astonishes Doofenshmirtz. "What the… that golf course wasn't there last night! I know because I was looking out the window of that HOTEL room that you paid for me!"

"My friend, what you're looking at right now is more than just a golf course." Said Scudworth as he puts his hands together. "This is one of the many examples of the wonders of modern high-rise construction!"

Fifteen minutes into the tour of the golf course, Doofenshmirtz excuses himself to go to the bathroom.

Not because nature is calling, that can wait. He is the one who needs to make a call.

He speaks into his wristwatch. "Major Monogram! Major Monogram! This is Agent Doof! Come in, over!"

From the other side of the call, the Major answers. "Keep your voice down, agent! What if someone hears you!?"

"Sorry, it's just…" Doofenshmirtz takes a deep breath. "You know the five celebrities that coincidentally disappeared at the same time back in 2003? Well, Scudworth just told me they're IN Exclamation right now with NO recollection to their previous lives! He's going to use them in this show of his!"

"My god." Said Major Monogram. "Just when I thought this mission couldn't get any more complicated. Your orders still haven't changed, Agent. Any new information that Scudworth tells you, report as soon as possible, understood?"

"Yes sir!" Doofenshmirtz salutes before shutting off the wristwatch. That was when he heard a familiar robot voice from behind him.

"Wesley…"

On pure instinct, Doofenshmirtz screams out as he presses a button on his watch; releasing a small, but effective rope that quickly expands as it wraps itself around Mr. Butlertron.

"Mr. B!" Doofenshmirtz screams out. "I'm so sorry! I thought you were someone else! Please don't tell Scudworth what happened! Please!" He gets down on his knees and begs the robot.

Mr. B takes the time to free himself from the rope before talking back. "You have nothing to worry about. I want the same thing that you want."

This confuses Doofenshmirtz. "Huh?"

Mr. B continues. "Over the past two decades, Wesley had me update the frozen clones' minds on current events. Both happy and unhappy. No details were left out. Just like you, I don't know the entirety of his plan. That's why I shall not intervene."

He then looks at Doofenshmirtz's watch, it seems impossible that a binding rope can seemingly come out of a device as small as that. "May I ask what that watch really does, Wesley?"

Doofenshmirtz smiles and shows off his creation to the robot. "You like it? I call it a… Inator-wristwatch...inator. And it does a lot more than just rope people up."

It is lunch period at Clone High, but Abe and Gandhi didn't feel like eating when they heard what they would call tragic news.

"YOU WHAT!?" They screamed in unison.

Joan looks at the two, slightly surprised by their reaction. "What? All I said was that I never saw Gravity Falls. What's the big deal?"

Abe and Gandhi say nothing as the looks on their faces become more serious by the second. They snap their fingers at the same time, further concerning Joan.

"Huh? Okay, why did you two snap at the same time? Who are you snapping to? You're both starting to freak-AAAHH!"

She screams out in horror as she feels a large potato sack is placed over her head before being forcefully dragged away from the table.

No one is doing anything about it. No matter how loud she screamed. She never took the time to read any books where a kidnapping happened, but regardless of how she would describe her situation, it won't matter.

After what seemed like forever, the sack was removed and she could see again.

Abe had just finished rearranging his room while a DVD player showing the menu screen of Gravity Falls is behind him.

He's currently on his phone. "Uh huh. Of course, Mr. Sheepman. We didn't hurt her. Yes sir. We'll have all her work done by monday. You can count on that. Yes sir. Thank you for understanding. Uh huh… okay. Bye bye."

He ends the call and smiles at Joan, who's finding herself tied to a chair.

"Now we're sorry it had to be like this, Joan. But don't worry. The forty episodes of Gravity Falls will all be over before you know it!"

This only angers Joan. "You KIDNAPPED ME!? Just so I could watch your STUPID cartoon series!? What's wrong with you!?"

Abe then gently pats the television screen.

"Aw, it's okay, buddy. She didn't mean it. She'll come around eventually."

Joan was about to yell at Abe again when she then sees the faces of her other attackers stepping in to comfort him.

Genghis Khan, George Washington Carver, Thomas Edison, Voltaire Miller, and Nostradamus. It was like Abe has his own Gravity Falls cult.

"Wow." She simply says. "Looks like all the geeks are together again."

"Don't worry, Joan." Said Abe. "When this is all over, you'll be JUST like one of us. I'll even make sure you won't be alone even one second!"

Joan's mind then wanders off to how great it would be that she's going to spend a lot of time with Abe by her side. Even after kidnapping her, she still finds him pretty handsome the way he's leading the other students to do what he wants. Even if it's kidnapping for the sake of a cartoon.

"Okay Abe…" Her cheeks are now turning red as she smiles at him. "I… I think I'm ready to watch it with… with…"

"EXCELLENT!" Abe pumps his fist into the air. "Genghis Khan will be your watching buddy!"

"Yayyy!" Genghis claps his hands. Excited that he gets to watch his favorite cartoon series all over again.

Joan, on the other hand, is feeling the exact opposite. Her opportunity to be with Abe has slipped away. "Wait what?"

Abe picks up a flyer. "Yeah, I already know what I'm going to be doing today! I'm going to enter this homemade music video contest for that new mini golf course that just opened up this morning! Winner gets to invite nine other people and enjoy a free round of golf! Now, if you'll excuse us, we're gonna go win this thing!"

Before leaving, he faces Genghis. "If she starts to fall asleep, pour ice water on her. OH, who am I kidding!? She's not gonna BE sleeping after Episode ten!"

After Abe and his gang leave the house, Joan looks at Genghis.

"So… any chance you're gonna skip the filler episodes?"

Genghis shakes his head. "No… no filler in the show."

Joan sighs. "Are you saying that because you don't know what filler IS, or you DO know and you just haven't recognized it?"

Pretty soon, the ropes that bind Joan to her chair won't be the only thing that will be imprisoning her.

At the Clone High football field, Gandhi, along with the rest of the gang, are filming Abe, who's dressed in some football gear with their phones.

Abe says nothing as he simply moves his lips to the song 'Stitches,' by Shawn Mendes. Planning to edit in the song in post production.

He then cracks a smile, breaking character. "Okay guys, now that our football player scene is out of the way, let's move on to the fight scene in the mall parking…" "ABE!"

The half dozen guys look in the direction of the voice to see Cleo waving at Abe.

"Ah, Cleo!" Abe shouts out. "We were just on our way out! How did you know we were here!?"

Cleo rushes closer to Abe. "I saw that post you made on your Instagram page! I left you a like. The reason why I came is to see if you… need any extra HELP for this music video you're putting together."

Abe laughs "Ahaha! I like the way you THINK, Cleo! Woo-hoo! Guys, with her in the video, we're DEFINITELY gonna win!"

Gandhi, Carver, Voltaire, Edison, and Nostradamus nodded and slightly applauded Cleo for her offer to help.

(LATER THAT NIGHT)

The party room at High-Rise Golf clearly had no expense spared the moment one walks into it.

It's now late at night and Abe's group looks over to see a half dozen hooded figures. They must be a part of this contest, too.

DJ McMusicsharer (who is just Scudworth in disguise) steps up on the central stage. There are also sixteen television screens in this room. Four are above his head showing him off.

"Welcome all, Welcome! It's great to see so many people as passionate about music as I am, haha! Raise the roof! Raise it!"

Everybody in the room remains silent until one of the hooded figures lowers his hood.

"Okay, pops. Enough with the small talk. Let's get this thing going! The faster we beat these nobodies, the better!"

"HEY!" Abe shouts as he points at the man. "Just who do you think you are, insulting CLONES like that!?"

It was then that the man turns to face Abe, who is now getting a good look at his face. Blond hair that's partially shaven, perfect blue eyes, and unusually wiggly eyebrows.

"I am Ashley Parker." Said the man. "The leader of The Six Golfers of the Plastic Plains. We live golf. We breathe golf. Heck, we celebrate with a golf ball shaped cake every time it's one of our birthdays."

Abe scratches his head. "Huh. You know, I feel like I've… seen you somewhere before."

Ashley smirks. "We have a Youtube channel. Check us out sometime."

Abe takes out his phone. "I think I'll do just that. Thank you."

Ashley's smirk turns into a more genuine smile. "No problem, buddy."

That was when Scudworth slammed his hands on the podium. "I'll have no more of THAT! As you both already know, there can only be ONE winner! That being said, here's the video of The Six Golfers of the Plastic Plains where Ashley Parker performs his cover of 'Dancing Through Life,' from the popular musical, Wicked."

Joan of Arc is sitting down watching Gravity Falls not because she has to; but now because she wants to.

Her eyes are focused on the television screen and nothing else.

"Nah, come on. Everyone's seen a bicycle riding bear.

No no. I'm gonna teach this bear… to drive."

She takes her eyes off the television for a second to see that Genghis is trying to spoon feed her chocolate pudding.

She happily accepts the sweet gift.

With their opponent's video finished, the video of the teen clones is now wrapping up.

The video is showing the mall's parking lot. Cleopatra, wearing her pharaoh outfit , is walking up to Abe, who's wearing his football gear.

They were lip synching 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello.

Abe looks away from the video and looks at Cleo.

"You know, Cleo. If you told me this morning that we would be in a music video together, I would have fainted."

Cleo smiles back at Abe. "If you fainted, then we probably wouldn't have made one, Abe. I'm glad I asked you when I did. Now I have something to post on Instagram."

The video concludes and Scudworth speaks again. "And that was 'I know what you did last summer,' by the students of Clone High! Now it's important to know that the winner of this contest is based on the online polls I have in front of me right here! So in a few minutes, we'll know for SURE who…"

"Hold it right there!"

Everybody in the room looks at the party room's entrance to see an elderly, blind man carrying a clarinet.

"Folks, you all know me. I'm Toots. Joan of Arc's foster grandpa! Now I may be blind, but that doesn't mean that I can't be part of an epic music video!" He holds up a DVD.

"WHOA!" Shouted Scudworth. "In a surprising turn of events, it seems that a blind man has entered the fray!"

Ashley crosses his arms. "I'm not worried. How good can this guy be anyway?"

Unlike the other two music videos, this one was all in one shot.

Toots doesn't sing or even lip sync the entire video. He plays his clarinet to the instrumental version of 'Mad World' while special effects show very artistic lyrics of the song fade in and out of the screen.

When the video concluded, Scudworth scratches the back of his head.

"Um, ah, well that was, um… good. I can already see the positive comments on the video already."

Toots chuckles. "Heh heh. Now THAT'S how you get a viral video on the internet!"

Cleo steps forward, looking less than amused. "Wait just a second! I refuse to believe that a BLIND man was capable of putting together that video by himself!"

It was then that she hears a familiar voice. A drunk, sloppy one.

"It's about time that you noticed that Toots wasn't alone."

Everybody looks at the entry again. Cleo gasps and shouts. "Foster Mom!?"

Cleo's foster mom, looking like she did in the show, waves at everyone. "Hello everybody." Her voice still slurry. "I'm Cleo's foster mom. I just so happen to have experience in the music industry: designing music videos for b-list singers."

Cleo rolls her eyes. "Looks like receiving disability checks wasn't enough for her."

Ashley speaks to Abe. "What's the deal with those two?"

"I don't know myself." Answers Abe.

Scudworth, deciding that he's had enough, speaks out. "Okay guys, okay! The people have voted… and TOOTS is the winner! In addition to the free admission, his video's also going to be played throughout the screens on the course for the weekend! I'm… going to get a drink." He walks away.

Toots laughs as he raises his clarinet above his head. "HAHA! Yes!"

Cleo runs her fingers through her hair. "Ugh, I can't believe I lost to my foster mom." She then thinks to herself. "Then again, I could just post that I lost on purpose to make her feel special. Yeah, I'm sure people will like that."

With a golf club in hand, Ashley walks up to Abe.

"Abe, I know we've only just met each other, but I can't remember the last time that someone I've competed against has talked to me the way you did. So I would like you to have my lucky putter."

Abe takes the golf club from Ashley and looks it over. "Hmm. I don't know. If this putter really is lucky to you, I don't know if I want to have it."

Ashley smirks. "Don't worry. I have like, eight more back at home."

As he and his partners leave the room, Toots approaches Abe.

"Abe! I've been trying to call Joan to tell her that I won, but she's not answering her phone!"

Abe laughs. "Haha! Oh, Toots! You see, Joan is actually pretty busy right now but-"

He then stops speaking as he confronts a certain epiphany that entered his mind.

He runs his fingers through his hair as he screams. "AH! WHAT WAS I THINKING!?" He starts to run out of the building. "Don't worry, Joan! I'm coming back for you!"

Gandhi sighs and faces his friends. "Guys, Abe is gonna need our help again."

Carver raises an eyebrow. "You want us to kidnap Joan again? I'm still regretting doing it the first time!"

"Well, we're kidnapping Joan again!" Shouted Gandhi. "Now are you in or are you out!"

Abe rushes into the room to confront Joan.

It's later in the night and Genghis looks half asleep. He thought he could stay awake because he'd be watching Gravity Falls, but he was wrong.

"JOAN!" He shouts out to her, grabbing her attention. "I was WRONG!"

Joan simply smiles at Abe. Her eyes hurt from a lack of blinking.

"Abe, thank you SO much for introducing me to this show! It's a masterpiece! I just found out that these boy band members are clones! And WE'RE clones! Isn't that crazy!?"

Abe waves her off. "Yeah, yeah I get that. The point is, I learned a really important lesson today, and that's that you shouldn't force what you like onto your friends. They're their own people with their own interests which you shouldn't try to change just because they spend time with you!"

Joan shakes her head. "Yeah, that's nice, Abe. Now let me keep watch-"

Abe doesn't listen to her as he grabs the remote and shuts the T.V. off; earning a yawn from Genghis and a scream from Joan.

"NO! TURN IT BACK ON! PLEASE!" She struggles to free herself from the chair. "Dang it! Why did I ask Genghis to re-tie me!?"

It was then that Gandhi and the gang, including Carver, made themselves known.

"Genghis!" Gandhi shouted. "Warm up the van! Toots invited us to go mini golfing!"

Even when tied to a chair, it took the efforts of everybody in the room to force Joan into the van.

Cleo's foster mom sees Toots almost get a hole in one. So she kicks the ball into the hole to make it sound like he did.

"HAHA!" Toots laughs aloud. "Joanie! Did you hear that!? I got a hole in one!?"

Joan wasn't listening. She continues to sit down while still tied up whispering to herself. "I'm going crazy… I need my Gravity Falls."

Meanwhile, Abe and Gandhi are talking to each other with Abe holding the golf club that Ashley Parker had given to him.

"Hey Gandhi, I think I bent my shaft again."

Gandhi points at Abe's hands. "You need to loosen up your grip and quit stroking so hard."

Abe smiles. "Well, at least I got a bogey and everyone saw it."

Listening in on the conversation, Cleo speaks out. "Are you two even listening to yourselves?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things that I have to say here. One, Toots and Joan aren't living with Cleo and her foster mom. I'm not going to be retelling episodes that have already happened with this story. At best, they are going to be inspired from those episodes.
> 
> Also, JFK will be in the next chapter because he wasn't in this one.


	4. Chapter 4

From now on, I'm going to shorten Doofenshmirtz's name to Doof for simplicity.

Chapter 3

Monday morning, Abe is on his laptop typing in his quote of the day.

"All good books are alike,

In that they are truer than,

If they had really happened. -Ernest Hemingway."

With the school day just starting, Principal Scudworth wastes no time happily counting his money that earns from his audience on the first Monday of each month.

"66,300! 66,400! 66,500! AND…"

The familiar sound of squeaking rings in his ears. Mr. B is looking up at him.

"Wesley… Doofenshmirtz is on line 2…"

Dropping the money, Scudworth rushes to the phone and picks it up.

"HEINZ! It's so good to hear from you again! How have you been!?"

On the other side of the call, Doofenshmirtz gives a thumbs up to Major Monogram and Perry the Platypus, who have wiretapped the call.

"Oh yeah, everything's going great! But you know, there's actually something that's been on my mind for a while now. About the memory manipulation process that you talked to me about last month."

"OH YES! HAHA! I nearly forgot about that. What's been on your mind, buddy!?"

"I have a question, if you don't mind me asking, that is. I don't want you to be annoyed by my curiosity or anything like that."

This only made Scudworth laugh. "Hahaha! It's not a problem at ALL, Heinz! I'll HAPPILY answer ANY questions that you may have!"

Doofenshmirtz takes a deep breath and composes himself. He can't afford to mess this one up. Not even a little bit. Especially with Monogram and Perry listening in.

He starts to speak. "The memory manipulation… you've used it on those shady government figures. Are THEY part of this show too?"

Scudworth taps his chin, carefully composing his answer. "Hmm. Not really. BUT, to say that they're not involved in keeping and maintaining the safety of the clones wouldn't be… entirely accurate."

That caught Doof's attention. He presses further. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, I mean, world domination was their goal, right? That's why they had me MAKE the clones in the first place.

I remember telling the general multiple times that he'd only be getting a FRACTION of a FRACTION of how many Americans he believed would enlist in the armed services if Cloned Patriot worked and that we'd have an easier time simply just brainwashing the population. You know, like 'yvan eht nioj.'"

Doof looks at Monogram to see that he's not happy. "Yeah yeah. I watched that episode of The Simpsons. So those guys wanted to kill you because you disagreed with their plan, right?"

Scudworth started getting angrier as he recalls his intentions. "I was going to make a lot of money using MY creations which I created with MY lab! That's one thing you need to know about me, HEINZ! I'M NO SAINT!" It was then that Perry removed his headphones, trying to get away from the sudden loud noise the old man made.

Doof and Scudworth stay silent for a little while before Scudworth speaks again. This time in a more calmer tone. "Oh my, I… I'm terribly sorry. I-I didn't know what came over me."

"Nah, it's quite alright." Doof sees that Monogram had written on an index card with a permanent marker: YOU'RE GETTING OFF TOPIC!

Doof clears his throat. "Anyway, as I was saying, these government agents are… capable of protecting themselves, right? I mean, I can't imagine them standing their ground against, oh, I don't know; an army of animals! Theoretically speaking."

He then hears Scudworth laugh again on the other end. This time is much more louder than the first.

"Oh, I'm not worried about anything like THAT, Heinz! I made sure that they have the BEST protection the conga line all those years ago gave me!"

Doof sees Monogram and Perry, who put his headphones back on, lean closer to their device. "Oh, really?"

"Yes! In fact, I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what I'm doing to make sure that… Hold on."

The smile that Doof put on quickly fades from his face. "Huh? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah…" Answered Scudworth. "It's just… some kid vomited right outside my office. I'm gonna have to assign another kid to clean it up and that's going to take some time. How about I talk to you at a later time, okay?"

Doof nods. "Okay, I'm looking forward to it."

Scudworth hangs up the phone, ending the call.

Doof shakes his head. "Dang it! We were so close!"

Major Monogram looks up at the ceiling. "What kind of high school is Scudworth running!? Hasn't he heard of a gosh darn janitor!?"

Perry looks at the Major and then at his former nemesis as he starts to argue back.

"Major, let me tell you something." Doof clears his throat. "Did you know… that most schools in Japan, don't employ janitors?"

This is definitely news to Perry and the Major; their mouths flew open pretty fast. "They DON'T!?"

Doof continues. "The students are the ones who do all the cleaning. It's meant to teach discipline and morality. I think that's what Scudworth is aiming for in Clone High. That or maybe he just didn't want to pay someone to clean up after clones. I mean, he COULD afford it; AND there's still tax dollars flowing into that school somehow!?"

Monogram sighs. "Well, either way, it's still too early for us to make any informed tactical decisions. You two take the rest of the day off. I'll call you personally when we're ready to move forward."

Perry then gives a salute to Doofenshmirtz before leaving.

Doof however, instead of leaving, questions the Major.

"Major, if I may ask… What exactly ARE your plans with those shadowy government figures?"

Monogram smirks. "I thought you'd know by now, Agent Doof. We're going to re-freeze them!"

"Re-freeze them?"

"If they want world domination, they can have it AFTER our world falls apart!"

With the school day finished, most of the students move on to go home for the day.

That is not the case for these four guys.

Among them is Dante Alighieri, reading his Fire Emblem fanfiction to his mentor, Vergil Maro, and two other guys. One of average height, the other being six-foot-one. Three inches shorter than Abe Lincoln.

"I look down at Tharja's sleeping form. Our long journey has come to an end. She's been through so much and would still be willing to throw herself into an unwinnable war if it would mean that she could have a chance to stay close to me for only an hour-"

He then finds himself cut off however, by his own audience.

"Sex sex sex sex sex sex!" They quickly chanted.

Dante sighs. They don't know a good story if it slapped them in the face. "Vergil, could you please-" He then sees his mentor chanting along, though not as loud. Probably just to joke with him. "Sex sex sex sex sex sex."

Dante shakes his head, quickly giving in. "We later had sex. The end."

"YEAHHHH!" The two guys shouted. It was then that a fifth person opened the door and stepped into the classroom.

"Hark! I, er uh, heard chanting of a three letter word that has an x, an s, and an e! But not in that order!"

It was JFK, curious as to what the four guys were doing.

"Oh, hi JFK." Said Dante, not amused at all by his entrance. "I see you're... doing quite well for yourself."

The smile on JFK's face then quickly fades away. "Uh, yeah about that. I, er uh, wouldn't say so myself. Dante. About half the girls I usually get along with won't even look at me anymore. Plus, I keep feeling this empty feeling inside. Like there's something… missing from my life. And the weird thing is… social media had only seemed to make it WORSE. That's why I deleted all my accounts!"

Dante tilts his head to the side as Vergil starts to talk for him.

"I remember feeling depressed once. We all have gotten depressed sometime before. You know, I think you'd fit in here just fine."

That made JFK laugh. "HAHAHA! You'd think I'd JOIN this loser group of yours? I'll tell ya what? You give me ONE good reason and I'll CONSIDER it!"

Dante crosses his arms. "I got this one, Vergil." He speaks to JFK. "Okay… you've created albums in the past, right?"

JFK smirks, remembering his past achievements. "That's right. What's your point!?"

Dante continues. "Whenever you finish a song, don't you feel an excitement that felt, unique? That you got to come up with a piece of writing that no one has ever read before? Like a feeling that the song chooses the singer, and it has chosen you?"

Upon hearing that, JFK couldn't help but gasp. "You're right! It DOES feel like that!? I thought I was the only one who felt that way!"

Now it's Dante's turn to smirk. "At Fanfiction Club, we believe that the story CHOOSES the writer! You join our club, and soon a story is going to be choosing YOU!"

JFK looks at the two other guys in the room. "Is that what happened with those two guys over there?"

Dante points at the two guys.

"The one on your left is Mark Antony. Vergil and I found him in a… depressed state before we decided to introduce him to fanfic."

Mark nods at JFK. "I hope you like yaoi stories! Because I got a TON of them!"

Dante shakes his head. "Yeah, one thing I learned about fanfiction writers is that they were born with a writing quirk that's unique to them. His is in the yaoi category."

JFK nods. "I'm, er uh, just going to pretend I know what this yow-ee is. What about that other guy?"

The other guy stands up. "Hello, JFK! My name is Caligula Johnson! Clone of the infamous Roman emperor!"

"Wait a second!" Shouted JFK. "The same Roman emperor who had romantic feelings for his SISTER!?"

Caligula raises his hands up in defense. "Don't worry! Don't worry! I'm an only child!"

JFK wipes the sweat from his forehead. "Phew! That's a relief!"

Caligula continues. "But I have a devout attachment to the Loud House fandom! Flagg1991 SPOKE to me once!"

JFK smiles. "Okay, er uh, I don't know WHAT, or WHO that is, but it does sound interesting. And fun! I'll have to check it out!"

"Hold on, JFK." Said Vergil. "First we have to go over the RULES!"

That caught JFK's attention. "Rules?"

Dante continues where Vergil left off. "The first rule of Fanfiction Club: Don't plagiarize! The second rule: DON'T PLAGIARIZE!"

"OH, Fight Club reference! I love that movie!" Said JFK, remembering the plot that was weaved into his mind.

Dante sighs. "Okay, I'll just skip to the eighth and final rule: If this is your first time in Fanfiction Club; you have to write!"

JFK smiles nervously, not expecting to write so soon. "Eh?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4

It's early in the morning on the final day of October and Abe is on his laptop typing in his quote of the day.

"The successful warrior is the average man,

With laser-like focus. - Bruce Lee."

It's a happy, sunny, cheerful day for the students of Clone High.

They are so happy, in fact, that they've all joined together to sing a song that they all know by heart.

On a grassy hill, Gandhi starts off the song with a number of students singing along.

"Everything's normal! Nobody's mopin'!"

Smirking, JFK picks up where Gandhi left off.

"Let's take it for granted! The campus is open!"

He points to the high school, standing in all its glory under a rainbow.

Facing the school, the clones of Dante Alighieri, Vergil Maro, Mark Antony, and Caligula happily sing the next part of the song.

"Our freedom will be here! That is a-given!"

In his office, Principal Scudworth finishes the verse.

"I'm Principal Scudworth! To power I'm driven!"

Back at the grassy hill, Abe looks over at Cleo, who's staring at her reflection over the pond that she's standing next to. He picks the petals from a flower as he sings.

"Cleo… only Cleo. A name that spoke straight from my heart!"

Smiling, Cleo continues where Abe left off. "Cleo… only Cleo. A name right for a queen but one who's nation fell apart!"

Staring at the two of them, Joan stood where she was with her mouth hanging open. She's found herself in disbelief at what she just heard.

Taking a second to compose herself and clear her throat, she continues the song. "A-A-A-ABE!"

Everybody's now holding hands as they finish the song.

"Organically awesome! Fantastical bliss! If something bad happens…"

Staring at the multitude of people, a teenage girl wearing a white hoodie smiles to herself.

In a german accent, she sings, "It probably sounds like this."

"NORMAL!"

Things however, were far from normal when night time came. Tonight is the night for Exclamation's Halloween Festival.

Scattered throughout Main Street are carnival games and vendors selling carnival food. All Halloween themed, of course.

This is the grown up version of the Halloween experience. It's not going door to door asking complete strangers for candy. This is getting complete strangers to do their jobs at the festival.

The students of Clone High are all there wearing their favorite costumes and among them are the four guys of Fanfiction Club.

Dante casually puts his hands behind his head. "Man, can you guys believe that it's Halloween ALREADY!?"

Vergil, on the other hand, isn't as thrilled. "What I can't believe is that you refused to go as The Hulk this year! Who are you supposed to BE, anyway!?"

While Vergil, Mark, and Caligula are wearing their favorite superhero costumes; Iron Man, Thor, and Spider-Man, respectively, Dante decided that he wanted to be a bit more creative this year.

He's wearing his red jacket with the hood up, but is completely shirtless. On his bare chest, he's painted a giant, red cross with black edges, looking like he's sewn it in himself.

"I'm supposed to be Dante from the EA video game with a little Devil May Cry charm to it!" Said Dante. "Look, I even repurposed my hockey stick as Death's Scythe! I look awesome!"

"WE look STUPID!" Argued Vergil. "LOOK AT US! WE'RE HULKLESS!"

Dante points at a nearby gathering. "Look, Marie Curie is dressed as She-Hulk, maybe you can ask her to join us."

Vergil looks at Marie Curie, the radiation deformed teen has painted herself green and dressed up in purple for this special night. She's teaching a few other clones the song with the plastic cups.

"Clap clap. Bang bang bang. Clap. Up down.

Clap. Turn your hand to grasp the cup like this, flip it over.

Hit one side. Hit the opposite side on the table, pass hands.

Then finish like this…"

He looks at Dante, "Yeah, but it's Marie Curie. She's cool and all, but we need like, a more simple person."

This angers Dante. "Are you calling ME simple!?"

Vergil talks back. "You… ACT simple! That's all I'm going to say!"

Mark gets in between them. "Okay, let's just settle down! No need to get ugly here!"

Vergil nods. "Yeah, Mark's right. I shouldn't have said anything. Hulk or no Hulk, we know why we're here. Caligula, you got the silly string?"

Caligula pats the backpack he's wearing. "Ready to assemble at an Avenger's notice, sir."

"Well, alright then. Now remember, it's only for DC purists ONLY!

Casual fans, cool. Fans of Image Comics, even better! Anime cosplayers, cosplay along with them!"

It was then that the four of them heard an iconic singing voice in the distance.

"Who will redeem; heed the call for America!?

Who'll rise or fall; give his all for America!?

Who's here to prove that we can!?

The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan!"

Dante happily yells out, "JFK!"

The man in the Captain America costume, who is JFK, instantly notices the guys.

"What's going on you guys!?" He then notices something else that catches his attention. "Dante, what the hell are you supposed to be!?"

Dante smirks. "I am a crusader who must brave the nine circles of hell in order to save my beloved Beatrice from the wicked hands of Lucifer!"

JFK raises an eyebrow. "I don't remember reading THAT part of Dante's Inferno!"

Dante was about to talk back when he hears another voice nearby.

"Gandhi! Stop throwing trash in my face!"

"Don't worry, dog! I'll split that sweet chocolate with you once I find it!"

The five guys then see Abe Lincoln (dressed as the 16th president), Gandhi (dressed as Marvel's Blade), and Genghis Khan (looking like he's FCLORPing) looking through a pile of trash from a bin that they have obviously overturned.

JFK was the first to speak. "Hark! I, er uh, can't help but notice a group of morons looking through GARBAGE! Hahaha!"

Both Abe and Gandhi stand up. Abe speaks out. "Hey, FYI, JFK, we're looking through the most likeliest places on Main Street to find that Complexia chocolate bar that Cleo hid!"

That caught JFK's attention. "The what now?"

That was when Mark stepped in. "Ah, yes. Cleo wanted her influencing to be a little bit more competitive this Halloween, so she stepped it up by posting this stupid scavenger hunt challenge for Clone High students. They got to find that fifteen dollar chocolate bar that she hid in Main Street to win."

Caligula shakes his head."Damn. It better be the best chocolate in the world if they're gonna be charging fifteen bucks for it."

"Actually it isn't."

The eight guys turn their heads to see Cleo walking up to them, the expensive chocolate bar is in her hand.

Mark gives her a friendly wave. "Hi Cleo!"

She smiles at him. "Hi Mark! If there's one thing you all should know, it's that I never actually HID this chocolate in the first place. You wouldn't believe how many people BOUGHT these things just to claim that they won my scavenger hunt! Haha!"

This further confuses JFK. "Wait. Why would they all do that!?"

Cleo gives a wicked smile. "Well, JFK. If you actually LOOKED at my Instagram, I said that whoever finds the chocolate, gets an open mouth kiss from me!"

Abe puts his hands on his hips. "Okay! I admit it! I did CONSIDER checking you just in case you were planning something like that!"

Cleo looks at Genghis. "Is that why he's with you?"

Genghis takes a step forward. "I am Khotun Khan! Cousin of Kublai! Grandson of Genghis!"

Vergil gently laughs. "Haha! Ghost of Tsushima reference! I like that!"

Abe shakes his head. "He's… just our bodyguard. Gandhi and I had to give him all our candy."

Cleo smirks. "Well Abe, I do know of another way I can provide you with some… candy."

"Last one left standing gets a chocolatey open-mouthed kiss from me!"

Before Abe knew it, he was near the track of Clone High with Gandhi, Genghis, and Dante at his side.

In front of him are JFK, Vergil, Mark, and Caligula. Still dressed as the Avengers.

"Why the hell am I even here!?" Mark yells out. "I'm not even straight! I know because I'm Cleo's ex!"

"Welcome to the, er uh, club pal!" JFK shouts back. "If it's just the two of us left, you quit and I win! That's how it works!"

Abe tightens his grip on his golf club and knows that Gandhi is doing the same with his foam katana, and Dante with his hockey stick.

"You should have… You should have stayed at home, JFK!" Abe tries to intimidate his rival.

This doesn't work however, as he starts to randomly sing.

"You have no chance! No chance at all! Why throw your lives away!"

Sighing, Abe sings back. "Let us die, facing our foes. Make them bleed while we can!"

Gandhi sings. "Make them pay through the nose!"

Genghis sings. "Make them pay for every man!"

Dante thinks to himself. "Okay, I don't know if anyone noticed, but Genghis is a really good singer!"

Abe sings again. "Let all that's right! To take our place until the Earth IS FREEEE!"

On the bleachers, Cleo scoffs. "What the hell are they even SINGING!"

She then hears another voice closer to her. "Les Miserables. Not that YOU would know!"

Cleo narrows her eyes at the redhead looking at her. "Joan of Arc. Don't you have better things to do than watch guys fight each other over me!?"

Joan sighs. "I'm just here to make sure nobody gets hurt TOO badly."

"ATTACK!" "GO!"

Cleo and Joan witness the fight going on below them.

JFK uses his shield to block Abe's golf club strikes.

Gandhi keeps trying to hit Mark with his foam katana, but he keeps blocking it with his plastic Mjolnir.

Vergil punches Dante in the face while Caligula tries to push Genghis.

The push was inefficient. Genghis pushes Caligula to the ground.

Joan stares wide eyed at the fight while Cleo takes a bite from the expensive chocolate.

Taking out his bow and toy arrow, Genghis aims it at Mark. He shouts out, "DOSHO! DOSHO!"

On instinct, Gandhi ducked just in time for Genghis's arrow to make its mark, right on Mark's side. "AUGH!"

Mark playfully and dramatically grabs his side and falls to the ground.

Gandhi laughs. "HAHA! Nice work, Genghis. I mean Khotun!"

Genghis then feels Caligula tap his back, but as soon as he turns around, he gets shot at by two cans of silly string, which Caligula has assembled to his wrists while he was on the ground.

"AH! SILLY STRING! SILLY STRING!"

While he tries to get the polymer resin from off of his face, he trips over some nearby tennis equipment that somebody just left lying around, knocking him out of the fight.

Caligula pumps his fist in the air. "YEAH! Spider of Tsushima for the win!"

"HEADS UP!" He's then directly hit by the hockey stick that Dante threw at him, eliminating him from the battle.

As Dante picks up his weapon, Vergil runs up to him. His eyes show to be angry under his Iron Man mask.

"HEY! I'm not done with you!"

Dante then jabs Vergil's chest with the end of the hockey stick, causing him to dramatically clench himself and fall to the ground.

Proud of himself, he delivers a playful insult. "I'll send my condolences to JARVIS!"

He then hears something completely unexpected.

"HA! HA! HA! HA!" Laughter. A girl's laughter.

He looks at the bleachers and sees that Cleo and Joan are looking at a third girl in a white hoodie near the exit.

Dante didn't get a good chance to look at her face as she ran off as soon as he set his eyes on her.

Smirking, he speaks to Abe and Gandhi. "You two can take care of JFK. I'm going girl chasing!" He then goes after her.

JFK shakes his head, disappointed by his teammates. "Seriously guys!? You had, er uh, ONE job!"

Gandhi speaks to Abe. "Abe, I don't like this! JFK's too powerful!"

"JFK's got nothing on us, Gandhi!" Said Abe. "We're the vampire hunters, remember?"

JFk raises an eyebrow at what Abe had just said. "Vampire hunters? Since when did Abraham Lincoln hunt vampires?"

Abe smiles. "Haven't you ever seen Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter!? It's my favorite movie! It makes me wish I had some silver spray paint for my golf club!"

It was then that Gandhi gathered up his courage and started to attack JFK. "AAAHH!"

JFK smirks, anticipating this. "Er uh, CHARGING STAR!"

He charges into Gandhi shield first, causing him to drop his weapon and fall to the ground.

"GANDHI!" Abe shouts out as he rushes to his friend.

"Abe…" Gandhi rehearses as he looks up at him. "I"m sorry I failed you. I could never have asked for a better… friend. Best dudes… forever. Abe."

Gandhi closes his eyes, angering Abe. He screams at JFK.

"YOU HURT MY FRIEND!"

JFK shakes his head. "It was HIM or, er uh, ME! There can only be one WINNER!"

Abe picks up Gandhi's foam katana with his left hand. With a weapon in each hand, he charges at JFK. "AAAHH!"

JFK then quickly faces Mark. "THOR! NOW!"

Mark then quickly throws plastic Mjolnir at JFK, who caught it just in time.

Before Abe could react, he hits him in the face with it. The impact forces him to turn around. Still standing, he drops both weapons before collapsing face first on the grass.

JFK raises Mjolnir in the air. "HAHAHA! Nothing bad EVER happens to the Kennedys!" Vergil, Mark, and Caligula stand up to applaud him.

However, they were then pushed to the side by Cleo.

"JFK! You won! I'm all yours!" She then hugged him, who strangely wasn't feeling too accepting.

JFK stares at Vergil, Mark, and Caligula, then at Cleo. Then at the three guys again, then Cleo again.

He sighs. He's probably going to regret this, but it's for the best. "Cleo… I… really do think we should see other people."

Cleo's eyes then shoot open. What did JFK just say to her? "Huh?

JFK continues. "Cleo, I'm just not the same man that you broke up with over two months ago. I've changed. My time in Fanfiction Club changed me. Yeah, sure they're a bunch of weird guys who are into a bunch of gross stuff, but it was INTERESTING! I kept coming back! Now with their help, I'm actually writing a story myself! I didn't even know I could DO that!"

"Wow." Cleo simply says. "Well, if you want to waste your time coming up with pointless stories that nobody will ever read. Be my guest!" She gets off of him. "But know this, my future boyfriend, whoever he is, will be doing something that will actually MATTER!"

She then storms off; Vergil pats JFK on the shoulder. "You made the right choice, pal."

JFK smiles. "I know I did."

Seeing what had happened in front of him, Abe sees an opportunity. He moves to follow Cleo. "I've got to go console her!"

Hearing this, Joan tries to follow Abe. "Abe Lincoln, don't! She's just trying to get attention and you're…" She then facepalms herself. "OH! I've said that already!" "JOAN!"

The voice of Gandhi then rings in her ears. "You gotta help us untangle Genghis! Come on! Help a fellow clone out!"

"Come on, babe! I won't hurt you!"

Dante had finally caught up to the mysterious girl that was eyeing him fight his friends. "You can't hide from me forever, babe! You know you want me to see you! Come on, what's your name!?"

While still keeping her face hidden, the girl answers in a german accent. She struggles to speak to the boy she has a crush on. "B-Beatrice! Beatrice Portman."

Dante's eyes twinkled. "Beatrice, huh? I LOVE that name! And with a beautiful name…" He grabs Beatrice and forces her to look his way, earning a cute 'yelp' from her. "...Should come with a beautiful face."

He lowers her hood down, only to be met with a familiar sight. His confidence is now fading by the second.

She has all the traits of a beautiful person, including her long, light blonde hair, but it feels just short of what he would call 'pretty.'

"Uh, um… do I know you from somewhere? I feel like I've seen you before."

Beatrice forces a smile, a facial expression that she is not used to. "That depends. Have you ever seen anybody from GESH?"

Dante's eyes widened in shock. Clone High's rival high school, Genetically Engineered Superhuman High. "GESH!?"

At Clone High's rose garden, Cleo can be seen sniffing one that she had just picked out. To her, flowers are nothing more than the reproductive organs of plants. But it's still nice to admire them.

As she looks down at the rose, she hears singing from behind her.

"My dearest friend, if you don't mind, I'd like to join you by your side."

She turns around to see Abe Lincoln moving closer to her.

"Where we can gaze into the stars…"

She giggles, knowing the finale of 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' by heart.

She sings along. "And sit together. Now and forever. For it is plain. As anyone can see…"

Now face to face, Abe lets out a small chuckle and starts to turn away. "I'm sorry, Cleo. I'm just being stup-"

Cleo then reaches forward and grabs Abe's face, surprising him as she moves him closer to her. Letting him know that she isn't disturbed by his sudden singing.

Now it's her turn to start singing. "We're…" Abe sings along, now feeling accepted by her. "Simply meant… to be…"

The moment was perfect for the both of them.

Kissably perfect.

In the distance, Joan lets out a few tears. She'd just witnessed the one that she has a crush on kiss a girl that she believes is a bad influence on him.

Behind her, the voice of JFK isn't doing much to help out either.

"So, er uh, how would you like to be my Black Widow sometime!?"

Not wanting to hear his voice anymore, she pulls out her stun gun and zaps him in the neck.

"AAAAAHHH!" JFK screams out in pain before falling to the ground.

The screen fades to black.

"WAS THAT A YES!?"

This story is now half over. Just so you know.


	6. Chapter 6

Even though Abe had his first kiss with Cleo the previous night, he didn't see it as an excuse to not post a quote in the morning.

Sitting in front of his laptop, he decides on a fair, but clever quote of the day. Knowing that Cleo would be looking at it sooner rather than later.

"The present is the ever moving shadow,

That divides yesterday from tomorrow.

In that lies hope. -Frank Lloyd Wright."

(Flashback: February 1st, 2003)

When Mr. Butlertron said the night before about him taking his vacation time in front of Scudworth, he didn't exactly mean it. He just needed an excuse to escape the meat locker. There's nothing he could do with seven members of the board of shadowy government figures moving in on everybody and with the purpose of murdering his master.

He rebooted this morning fully expecting to never see him again. One can only imagine the shock as he sees his creator reclining on a chair in front of him in the master bedroom. Hands behind his head and the biggest smile on his face.

"As I live and breathe… Wesley! It's really you!" The robot said with a hint of disbelief in his voice.

"Mr. B." Scudworth happily said as he looked down on him.

"You wouldn't BELIEVE how exciting the last twelve hours were for me! I haven't slept a WINK!"

Mr. B takes a moment to look up and down at his creator. There doesn't seem to be a scratch on him.

"But… but HOW!? I mean, they were going to KILL YOU!?"

Scudworth continues smiling as he remembers the night before. "Oh, they were GOING to, but due to the kindness of a friend that I didn't know I had, I am still alive and well!"

Mr. B blinks twice. "It was John Stamos, wasn't it? How is he, by the way?"

"Oh, he's a little… frozen up at the moment. Hehe."

"Did… did you say frozen?"

Scudworth looks away from Mr. B. "I have something I want to show you. Get some tea ready."

Mr. B nearly dropped the tea tray that he was holding as soon as he saw who was in front of him in the living room.

Blowing his nose and sitting on the couch is who Scudworth labeled as his 'counterpart,' Colonel Principal, the Principal of Genetically Engineered Superhuman High, or GESH for short.

The new guest has looked like he'd been travelling through a blizzard… for a week.

Shaking off his fear, Mr. B raises a tea cup. "Would you like some tea, Wes…"

He finds himself cut off as the Colonel snatches the tea and drinks the hot liquid down.

He sighs. "Honey vanilla chamomile. Not as good as hot chocolate, but I'll take it."

Scudworth then speaks out. "Colonel! Would you mind telling Mr. B here about what you can remember last night!?"

The Colonel looks up at the ceiling. "Well… I was at that Winter Prom of yours, Scudworth, because you invited me. You stabbed out John Stamos's eye before a bunch of shady government figures knocked down the doors and started closing in on us."

He pauses to collect his thoughts. "I didn't understand why anybody ran while they still had the chance. Maybe it was because nobody could resist the opportunity to be a part of a conga line. Heck, I was in the conga line! We conga-ed into this room and…

Next thing I know… I'm… sitting on your couch and drinking your tea."

Mr. B wheeled back in surprise while Scudworth burst into laughter. "HAHAHAHA! Now that's EXACTLY what I want to hear!"

The Colonel narrows his eye (he wears an eyepatch) at Scudworth. "I ain't got the slightest idea what you're talking about, Scudsy! As I recall… you were the line leader!"

Scudworth responded by taking some photographs out of his pocket. These were the kind of photos taken with an old-timey camera that instantly gave you the picture after you've taken it.

Mr. B and the Colonel look down at the photographs only for them to become shocked at what they saw.

Frozen clones. Frozen celebrities. Frozen government figures. There must have been at least 200 people in that flash freezer when it went off.

Mr. B tries to speak through his nervousness. "Was there anybody who WASN'T in that conga line!?"

The Colonel looks at Scudworth. "Scudworth, I… I had no idea. They didn't give you much of a choice, did they? It was either that or you get killed!"

Scudworth keeps smiling. "I carried you out of that freezer for a REASON, Colonel. Can you guess what that is?"

Despite the pounding headache that the Colonel is enduring, he can still piece together what Scudworth wants from him.

"The staff of the meat locker are due to return early monday mornin'! You also know that GESH has also been experimenting with cryotechnology. You want me and the rest of GESH to help you keep everybody frozen! At OUR facility!"

Scudworth laughs. "That's the idea! Haha! I have so much planned for everybody and now I have all the time in the world to plan things out!"

This only angers the Colonel. "You're crazy! What if I say NO!?"

Scudworth then turns his back on the Colonel. "If you refuse… then everybody gets thawed out come monday morning. I imagine most, if not all of them will end up abducted by some super secret secret service members of the government and taken to some military lab where they will be transformed in a way that'll make YOUR genetically engineered students seem… pointless."

He turns his head to face the Colonel. "Now you don't want THAT to happen, do you Colonel?"

The Colonel takes a moment to think it over. "Well… you do make a fair point. I love my students like a father loves his children. I wouldn't DREAM of seeing them feel powerless!

All right, Scudworth. GESH will do everything it can to help preserve all those people in the flash freezer. We'll need liquid nitrogen, and a LOT of it!"

Scudworth puts his hands together. "EXCELLENT! You won't regret this, Colonel! I'll be sure to repay you whatever I can! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go rent a forklift!"  
"Now wait, just hold on a second there, Speedy!"

Scudworth was about to run off when the Colonel started to ask him a question.

"Since all these human popsicles will be staying over at my campus, do you mind if I know how LONG you're planning to be keeping them here for!?"

Scudworth turns back to face the Colonel. "I do have a fun year picked out for when I start my patent-pending unfreezing process!

Two thousand-twenty!"

(PRESENT DAY)

At the cemetery, 63 year old Scudworth places a half-dozen roses at the tombstone in front of him. The grave of John Stamos being completely visible from a distance.

The headstone of this grave read:

Colonel Harvey Sam Anderson

"A good colonel. A better principal."

June 14, 1925 - Nov 23, 2015

"Yeah, the Coronavirus made me reschedule some things… a LOT of things." He talks to the headstone.

"Heck, I almost didn't WANT to unfreeze them this year! SO many things could go wrong and…"

He then stops talking, as he remembers the reason as to why he came.

"It has now been seven years since you passed away, my friend. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't be standing here right now."

He scratches his head as he repeats the same words he said the year before. "Hmm. I still can't believe that you didn't take my offer to be frozen. Yeah, sure, the cancer was unexpected and you didn't say anything about it to us for months. It was also too late when we found out; at that point, there was nothing else I could do…"

He stops rambling. Mr. B is looking up right at him.

He puts his hands in his pockets and sighs. "Thank you for everything, Colonel." He says in a calm tone. "I only hope to be as old as you when I die."

He then walks away. Holding hands with Mr. B.

It is now lunch time, and Scudworth can be seen sitting across the table from his good friend, Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

The atmosphere of the restaurant they are in is not unlike one of a private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype. They're at the Olive Garden, okay? Scudworth and Doof are at Olive Garden.

Holding a forkful of pasta in his hand, Scudworth comments, "You know, Doof. I always wondered why they call it what they did."

Doof looks up from his watch. "Huh?"

"Ziti." Said Scudworth. "Out of all the letters you can choose to name a pasta with, I would never expect the letter 'z' to even be brought up.

Doof scratches his head. "Well… actually the answer is more straightforward than you think."

"Oh?"

"You see, Ziti actually comes from the Italian word, 'zita,' which means bride. It makes sense because that kind of pasta is usually served in Italian weddings and…"

He stops talking to see that Scudworth is looking less than amused.

"You know, Heinz. When I invited you over to have lunch, I wasn't exactly expecting a trivial lecture; I was expecting a social interaction."

"OH!" Doof yells out. "Um… this chicken parmesan is very good!" He munches a forkful of chicken and pasta; secretly wishing that he was eating bratwurst right now.

"Now that's much better." Said Scudworth. "It is in my experience that some can find joy when it comes to not knowing things. Curiosity does have its perks!"

"You know, speaking of curiosity…" Doof said as he put his fork down. "You haven't told me what you said earlier. About the protection you gave all those shady government agents."

"Oh yeah, I haven't told you about that, have I?" Scudworth pauses to take a sip of his lemonade. He then looks up at the ceiling to collect his thoughts.

"Let me just say, Heinz. You aren't the only one sitting at this table who's had trouble with animals in the past."

When Major Monogram received a report saying that the seven shady government figures were spending the day at the Orlando Museum of Art, he knew he had to act fast.

With one of Agent Doof's freezinator rifles at his side, he's in a city van monitoring the facility from the museum parking lot.

Crawling in the vents are Agent P and Agent M. Agents H and K are circling around the emergency exits.

"Alright everyone, stay alert! we want to eliminate all seven figures without anybody noticing. Pick them off one by one. Start with the bathrooms first, and then work your way to the exits."

He takes a second to look at the parking lot in front of him.

"Now I estimate that there are less than thirty people, not including our spies. As a reminder, if you see somebody in a janitor's outfit, don't worry. They're with us and wouldn't draw unwanted att-AAAAHHH!"

Monogram found himself unexpectedly blinded by a random laser that seems to be intentionally pointed at his eye.

Taking as second to regain his sight, he speaks into his wristwatch again.

"I... I just got BLINDED! Somebody get over here and..."

The Major gasps as he sees what was on the screen was completely different than what was shown literally ten seconds ago.

Harry and Karen have been duct taped to each other, each agent whimpering aloud in distress. Maggie has been glued onto the wall of the gift shop and Perry has been tied up with rope and is now hanging upside-down out of a vent.

Seeing what has happened with all his agents, Monogram quickly takes out a pair of scissors and gets out of the van.

"My god. What happened to you all!? Who could have possibly done this!?"

As he moves on to the cut the tape that was holding two of his agents, he hears something.

Feeling increasingly scared, Monogram starts to remember something disturbing from way back at the start of the century.

"Oh no... I did NOT just hear the tiptoeing of a certain disgraced OWCA agent!"

Seeing some movement in a nearby bush, Monogram rushes forward and tries to grab whatever it was that disturbed him.

Only to wind up with a lit stick of dynamite in his hand. Instead of dropping it and running like hell, Monogram shows something entirely different.

"Huh, that's strange. This looks like the lit stick of dynamite that darn agent used on me when I dishonorably-"

In the middle of talking to himself, the dynamite went off.

Inside the museum, Perry the Platypus was trying to cut himself free from the ropes by using his teeth when he heard the Major's scream coming out of his wristwatch.

Fearing the worst, he moves faster, but the second he cuts himself free, he picks up another voice. A high-pitched one. Almost like if an animal has learned to talk.

"TRY AND CATCH US, BITCH!"

Feeling disturbed, he rushes outside to help the Major in any way he can.

Unfortunately, as soon as he steps one foot out the door, he triggers a tripwire trap. Three portraits directly came down on his head with the frames restricting his movements and knocking him off his feet.

For a second he thought he could see a squirrel and crab looking down on the rooftop above him. Laughing.

"YOU GOT CRABS, ASSFACE!"

Definitely a crab and squirrel. For a second, Perry wished that he was back in the good old days fighting Doofenshmirtz. Because he never felt so insulted in his life.

In front of him; he can see General Classified holding up a bruised, battered, and ash covered Major Monogram.

"Second and final warning, Major." Said the General. "Stay out of our way."

After what seemed like forever, the agents of OWCA are back at base again.

Monogram, having cleaned off all his injuries, is now speaking with Agent Doof. (You know, it's a cartoon. Cartoon logic.)

"I don't blame you, Agent Doof. It shouldn't have attacked when I did. Now because of my recklessness, I have a handful of injured agents and two disgruntled agents working against us!"

Doof's jaw dropped with Perry looking just as surprised. "The skunk and the crab were disgruntled agents!?"

The Grassy Knoll was pretty crowded for a Monday night. Every booth was filled up with clones. Talking about all kinds of things as they consume all kinds of food and drink.

Among these clones are Abe Lincoln and Cleopatra. Even though Abe had been at this restaurant many times before; he had never seen it in a way in the seat that he's sitting in now.

"Man, I've never been in the popular section before." Something then catches his eye. "Wow! Salt AND pepper!?"

Cleo smiles at Abe as she rests her elbows on the table. "With me, Abe. It's first class all the way."

Seeing the lovely couple laugh together from the other side of the restaurant, Joan gives a look of disgust.

"Look at them." She said with a voice that matches the way she feels. "Laughing and talking and... sitting together. And I don't condone it!"

She slams her fists on the table, which did nothing to capture Gandhi's attention. He's sitting right across from her looking down at his phone. Wireless earbuds in his ears.

She takes a second to look around. With the exception of Abe and Cleo, everybody's looking down at their phones. If they all keep their heads down for an extended period of time, she'd like to think their necks would unintentionally adjust in a way that would lean the head forward.

There's no more time to think about potential consequences as the sound of Gandhi's laughing snaps Joan out of her train of thought.

"HAHA! Joan, you gotta see this!"

Joan looks closer at Gandhi's phone. On it, she can see a screenshot from a superhero movie that she doesn't know about. The white text on the picture says:

'If Doctor Strange taught me anything,

It's that you should always save the game before the boss fight.'

Joan looks at Gandhi. "Doctor Strange?"

Gandhi smiles. "Yeah, you seen it?"

"No." She simply answers as she pulls out a small notebook from her back pocket. An even smaller pen is enclosed. "Just another thing to put on the list."

Gandhi raises an eyebrow. "List? Like in Captain America: The Winter Soldier? Let me see that!"

He snatches the notebook out of Joan's hand just as she was finished writing the word 'Doctor.' He only caught a brief look before Joan snatches it back; but a few things did catch his eye.

-The Loud House (cartoon)

-Joker

-Minecraft

-Twenty One Pilots (band)

-Steven Universe

-Panic at the Disco (Brendon Urie)

"I should've known better than to take my list out in front of YOU!" Joan yelled at Gandhi.

Gandhi however, felt even more confused than anything else after looking at Joan's list.

"Joan, for you to not know about ANY of that stuff, you'd have to either be a time traveler, or frozen sometime before the year-"

He then stops talking. Finding himself unable to as he feels all the air suddenly and unexpectedly getting sucked out of him by a seemingly invisible force. Leaving nothing but chills all over his body.

Almost as if he'd been locked in a freezer for more than a year.

"Joan." He manages to whisper out. Sounding more scared than anything else. "Is it just me... or did it just get chilly in here?"

This made Joan smirk. "Ha! I don't know what you're talking about! The temperature's FINE!"

It was then that her cellphone started ringing. She takes it out of her pocket to see that it's her foster grandfather, Toots.

She answers the call. "Hey Toots. What's up?"

On the other end, the blind musician answers. "Joanie! You'll never believe what just happened! Our printer broke down and when I went to the Best Buy to buy a new one, the assistant manager offered to buy me this new wi-fi printer!"

Joan looks up at the ceiling. "Oh, that's great, Toots! So... how is it different from our old printer?"

"Hey, you're from Gen Z. You figure it out after you install it! Speaking of which, I need you to come home right away so you can install the thing! And when you do, we'll be able to print WIRELESSLY!"

Toots then hangs up the phone. Joan then looks at Gandhi, who's finishing off a large mug of hot chocolate.

"Well, it looks like I'm going to be busy for the next hour or so." She said to him. "Are you gonna be okay?"

Gandhi takes a deep breath after finishing his hot beverage.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need another one of these and then I'll be golden. HEY GOLDEN! The Harry Styles song! You should DEFINITELY listen to that!"

Joan stands up from the booth. "I think I'll give it a listen right after I install this wi-fi printer that Toots brought. I'll see you later."

With Joan gone, Gandhi raises his hand.

"Marie Antoinette! Can I have another hot chocolate!?"

It's now almost midnight, but that doesn't stop Abe from playing one of his favorite games of his Playstation 5.

"Come on, come on, come on." He says as he leans closer to the screen.

He suddenly jumps up from his seat. "Yeah! Take that, Rat King!"

It was then that his phone started ringing. It was Joan.

He answers it. "Oh hey Joan. What's going on? Is everything okay?"

On the other end, Joan screams out. "NO! Everything is NOT okay! I can't figure out how to put together this STUPID wi-fi printer! You gotta help me!"

She's currently standing over a dead laptop, a disassembled wi-fi printer, a hammer and screwdriver, and the crumpled up pages of the reference guide and instruction list.

Long story short, Abe didn't get much sleep before he had to post his quote of the day in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

It's the morning of January 20th, 2023, and Abe has woken up early in the morning to type out his quote of the day.

With the holiday spirit in his heart, he types it into his laptop.

"To many people, holidays are not voyages of discovery,

But a ritual of reassurance. -Phillip Adams."

The church bells were all ringing on Main Street as the people of Exclamation, Florida are walking the streets feeling the holiday spirit.

Sure, the United Nations banned religious, exclusionary holidays back in 2002, but in its place came the all-inclusive, non-offending Snowflake Day.

While there were some years where the first day of snowfall happened around fall, the date of January 21st was chosen because it marked approximately one month after the winter solstice. Allowing people to calmly exit the old year and enter the new, having already worked through some degree of snowfall. Statistically speaking.

On top it city hall, the holiday mascot Snowflake Jake, dressed up in his pirate outfit complete with a candy cane hook, has just started throwing little bags of spices onto the people gathered below.

"HAHAHA! I'M SNOWFLAKE JAKE! Jolly Snowflake Day! Spices for everybody! Cinnamon! Nutmeg! Cumin! Turmeric! Parsley! Cayenne!"

Picking up a one-quarter ounce bag of cinnamon and putting it in his pocket, Gandhi speaks to Abe.

"Wow Abe, can you believe that Snowflake Day's tomorrow!? And we're ALREADY getting spices from Snowflake Jake!"

Abe sighs. Not feeling as happy as his friend. "Yeah, this is great. No doubt about it, but… Cleo has told me over and over again to get her an expensive gift over the past month. I don't have any money."

Gandhi looks up at his friend. "Oh, I have an idea! Don't you have a few old games lying around that you don't play anymore? Those guys at Vintage Stock will pay you mad stacks for those NES games ALONE!"

That's true. Vintage video games have only gone up in price. Just take a look at Amazon.

Getting Amazon out of his head, Abe argues back. "Nah. I already sold those. Gas isn't cheap! Especially when your girlfriend keeps telling you to get something on the way to her house. What I really need to do is… get a job!"

Gandhi points at Abe. "Right on! Both Jeff Bezos and Drake have jobs and they're LOADED!"

He and Abe then high five. "TO JOBS!"

In a convenience store on the other side of town, Dante narrows his eyes at a rowdy customer rolling up his sleeves.

This customer has the attention of six others like they're in church or something.

"30, maybe even 40 dollars a week on cigarettes! Would you give somebody that much money each week to kill you!? Cause that's what you're doing now! By paying for this so-called privilege to smoke!"

Dante then speaks up. "Hold on just a second, now let me explain…"

He's then cut off by the rude customer.

"Now here comes the SPEECH, about how he's just doing his job by following orders! Now friends, let me tell you about another group of hatemongers who were just doing their jobs by following orders! They were called NAZIS!"

Dante crosses his arms. "I'm a Nazi because I follow my foster parents orders? I'm not even supposed to be here today!"

"OH! So that makes it okay to sell these cancer sticks to people!?" Said the rude customer.

"Hey, we're all gonna die someday. We never asked to be born into this STUPID world to begin with!"

The rude customer points at himself. "You calling me stupid!? It sounds like you're calling me stupid! Call me stupid one more time and we're going to SHUT you down! You AND your foster parents!"

To say that being a clerk at his foster parents convenience store really wasn't what he thought of back then when he was a kid was an understatement. Why are people so mean? Seriously, why are they so mean? He didn't do anything to them.

He snaps out of his thoughts when he hears the familiar sound of a fire extinguisher being used. For a second, he thought it's being used on him. "God. Please end this quickly so that I have an excuse to lock up the store!"

But the extinguisher wasn't from him… it was for his intimidators.

He looks up to see standing on a display case, his girlfriend from GESH, Beatrice Portman, holding the fire extinguisher as she just sprayed the half dozen people in front of him.

In her iconic german accent, she speaks. "Who's leading this mob?'

Seeing that they're dealing with a literal genetically engineered superhuman who could snap all their necks in under a minute, one thing led to another and now it's just her and Dante at the store.

It turns out that the rude customer from earlier was a Chewlie's sales rep looking for any way to sell more gum.

Beatrice looks at her clone boyfriend. "It sucks that your parents are making you work her the whole day."

Dante shakes his head. "They just want an excuse to go out. It's been real busy with the holiday season and all that. They're just… wiped."

Beatrice tilts her head to the side. "I just finished all my semester projects. I'm wiped too. I thought a date at the Olive Garden would help me forget everything."

Dante chuckles. "Yeah, the Olive Garden sounds nice. I was craving lasagna earlier this morning. Is that weird?"

Beatrice's face then lights up. "Oh my god. I've been craving lasagna too! What are the odds!?"

The two of them turn their heads towards the entrance as the door swings open.

"People of Grocery Station, your wanted help is here!"

Dante waves. "Oh, hi Gandhi; anything I can help you with?"

Abe walks in as Gandhi continues speaking. "Help? Well, if you can help me and Abe here with some jobs, that'll be great!"

Dante and Beatrice look at each other, they can tell that they both have the same idea in the form of opportunity.

Dante looks at Gandhi again. "Can you two start right now?"

In the middle of her shift working the prize counter at High-Rise Golf, Joan sighs as she looks up at the ceiling.

When she applied for this job, she thought that it would be worlds easier than her alternate choice of being an assistant of Snowflake Jake at the shopping mall where she had to wear the most ridiculous outfit. Sure, the neon colors she's wearing now don't look much better, but she can compromise where she can. This job's only for the holidays.

Because it was the holidays, everything's more busier than normal. The customers were a hassle to deal with as they kept asking how many tickets prizes were worth; even though there's a sign with the number right below the plush toy, or lava lamp, or a traffic light room decoration or something like that.

Coworkers aren't much better either, everytime she had to grab a step ladder to retrieve something on the wall, she could feel the gaze of at least one person looking up to stare at her butt.

They know she's only sixteen, right? It isn't a secret she's keeping from them.

A strangely familiar voice from the other side of the counter snaps her out of her thoughts.

"Excuse me, miss? Can I have one of those Snowflake Jake plushies?"

Not taking a second to look at the customer's face, Joan looks at the counter to see that there is a short stack of hole in one cards that were won from the golf course.

One can retrieve prizes from the counter in one or two ways: the traditional way of retrieving e-tickets from the mini arcade located awkwardly in the center of the track on the third floor, or the more advanced way of retrieving hole in one cards given automatically by a machine and through some kind of motion technology installed on all the holes.

"Wow. You must be really good at mini golf to get all those-AH!"

Joan steps back in shock as she looks at the face of the female patron in front of her.

She's wearing all black with her stomach exposed even though it's obviously somewhere below freezing outside. Light brown hair sticking out of the hood she's wearing.

"Huh? What's wrong? Everything okay?" The concerned customer asks.

Taking a moment to compose herself. "Have I… have I SEEN you somewhere before!? You look familiar."

The woman smirks. "You may have. My name is Mandy May. I'm one of the Six Golfers of the Plastic Plains. We have a Youtube channel."

Joan raises an eyebrow. "Okay… I've never heard of a group like that, but I'll take your word for it. I mean, are you sure we haven't met somewhere else before? Because I'm pretty sure that we have!"

Mandy sighs loudly before speaking. "Look, if I remember speaking to you before, I would have brung it up, okay? You think I'd forget seeing someone with a weird, flat top head like YOURS!?"

Joan angrily slams her hands on the glass counter. "Okay, lady! Did you really have to bring up the shape of my HEAD into this!? Mention that one more time and I swear I will BEAT-"

"Okay okay. Just… settle down!"

Mandy looks back to see another person dressed in all black approaching her. He's a smiling man in his mid to late 40's.

He looks at Joan. "I'm sorry about all that. Is Mandy giving you a hard time, miss?"

Mandy shouts back. "Am I giving her a hard time!?"

Joan points at the man. "Uh, are you another one of those… golfers from the… plains?"

The man softly laughs. "Haha. The Six Golfers of the Plastic Plains. Yep. I'm one of them. Never mind Mandy here, okay? Her score's been dropping like the temperature lately. I've actually won half of those cards that she's trying to give you."

"Did you really have to tell her THAT, Glenn!?" Mandy shouts out.

Joan smirks. "Wait, your name's Glenn? That name is ALSO familiar."

Glenn's smile fades. What did she mean by that?

Back at the Grocery Station, the newly employed Abe and Gandhi are standing behind the counter goofing off.

Gandhi held up his bag of cinnamon. "Okay… a bag of cinnamon, in my mouth, no water!" He pours the contents of the bag in his mouth, instantly regretting it a second later as he starts to cough up what he couldn't choke down. His throat feeling like flowing molten rock.

"AAAHH! Why do I crave attention!?" Abe on the other hand, is laughing his head off as Gandhi rushes to the drink coolers and grabs a liter of bottled water.

That laugh was short lived however, when two guys entered the store.

"Come on! It's a good, er uh, joke!"

"I have no idea. I give up. Tell me."

It's JFK and Vergil Maro, unaware that Abe and Gandhi are working in the store they walked into.

"Okay pinhead, here's your answer: X-Men!"

Vergil's face lit up. "Oh, I get it. A group of TRANS women! Haha! That IS funny!"

Abe crosses his arms as he stares at the two. "Well, I didn't expect to see you two here!"

JFK looks at Abe before laughing. "Hahaha! Abe! You work here!? So this is what it came down to; isn't that right?"

"Hey, FYI, JFK!" Abe argues back. "I'm trying to buy Cleo the best gift ever! I'm also lucky that Dante also gave me this job!"

That was when Vergil stepped in. "Speaking of Dante, is he out on a date with that girl from GESH again?"

That caught JFK's attention, as well as Gandhi's nearby.

"Wait, er uh. What's this about Dante dating a GESH chick!?"

Abe looks up at the ceiling. "Yeah, I couldn't believe it myself either. I don't know what he was thinking, but man. He really is trying to make it work with her, you know? They seem really happy together. Kind of what I want Cleo and I to be."

JFK walks up to the counter. "Well, I don't think it matters WHO Dante wants to stick his penis into! I'm 6,000 words into my Mario fanfiction and I plan to write another thousand words today! Before I go and do that however, I would like to buy a pack of your finest jerky balls!"

Abe raises an eyebrow. "Jerky balls?"

As the sun sets in the town of Exclamation, it got increasingly chilly.

The falling temperature however, was only half the reason why Beatrice was hugging Dante's arm as they walk together back to his workplace.

Dante, not minding this, continues his conversation.

"The way I see it, self-insert stories really aren't that bad if the writer knows what they're doing, right? The main character, as important as they are to the story, isn't the story. It's the adventure. Make the adventure interesting, like Dante's Inferno and people won't care that it's a self-insert story."

Beatrice rubs her head on Dante's neck. "Hmm. That is a really interesting way to look at it, Dante. I'll keep that in mind."

Dante then stops walking as he sees Vergil and JFK leave the store.

"I'm probably gonna stay up half the night writing my Mario, er uh, fanfiction!"

"Ugh. This hot chocolate tastes terrible."

Dante shouts out to them. "Hey, what's up guys!?"

JFK takes a jerky ball from out of the bag he's carrying and munches on it.

"We're just looking forward to Cleo's, er uh, annual Snowflake Day party!"

"You gonna go, Dante?" Said Vergil.

Dante shakes his head. "Nah, I already have plans. Since… you know… I already have what I want most."

"Oh stop it, Dante." Beatrice blushes. "You're embarrassing me."

They both start to walk away together. "You better get used to it, babe. It's gonna happen a lot more when you're with me. It's great seeing you two again, guys. Now if you'll excuse us, there are two guys I gotta underpay."

As they walk into the store, JFK looks at Vergil. "Out of all the girls in the world, WHY HER!?"

Vergil shrugs. "Takes different strokes to move the world, I guess."

He takes another sip of his drink, only for him to immediately spit it out in disgust. "Ugh! What the hell!? This has got to be the worst hot chocolate I ever had! What did they make this with; dirty socks!?"

Then, in front of JFK, he threw the cup straight onto the sidewalk. The hot beverage rapidly melting the icy layer beneath their feet.

The cup wasn't on the ground for a whole second as JFK felt a sudden rush of cold air enter his body through his mouth. He wasn't cold for very long, as he crumples up the bag of jerky balls in anger at what Vergil had just done.

"VERGIL!" Vergil turns his head around to face JFK. He sees him point to a trash can near the Grocery Station's front entrance.

"There is a proper receptacle… RIGHT OVER THERE!"

Vergil slowly walks over to his discarded cup and bends over to pick it up. "Okay JFK, okay. I'll throw this away properly. If I knew littering would offend you this much, I wouldn't have done it."

(Yet further later still, this time, at Abe's garage)

Abe had to move a lot of things out of the way to clear some space for a 20x30 canvas and a set of acrylic paints.

There is another person with him in the garage who's looking at him as he sets everything up.

"I'm really glad you said yes when I asked." Abe says to the person. "Dante didn't pay me nearly as much money as I needed and I spent it all purchasing all this. I even had to convince Gandhi to loan me some of his earnings…"

He finishes setting up before speaking again.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is… for helping me paint something from my heart… I can only pay you in hugs. I hope that won't be a problem."

The person smirked as he stepped into the light. He's short, has red hair with a white piece of cloth wrapped around his head, and wears blue.

"Oh, it's not a problem, Abe. It really isn't. After all…"

Vincent Van Gogh looks up at Abe. "I LOVE a good project!"

It was then that Abe broke the fourth wall by moving way too close to the camera.

"VINCENT VAN GOGH EVERYBODY!"

Van Gogh looks confused. "Huh? Who are you talking to?"


	8. Chapter 8

(Danville, 5:03 A.M.)

Perry the Platypus had never grown out of sleeping in the same bed as Phineas. While he is close to his assigned family member, he feels at peace. Like evil is nothing more than a distant memory.

This morning however, will be anything but peaceful for him.

He never thought that it would happen in a million years, but Phineas had woken up from an insane nightmare. He knows this because he had woken up to the sudden feeling of getting picked up and held close.

It was still completely dark in the room, so he couldn't see his face, but Phineas's heavy breathing horribly implied that things were not going okay for him.

In a panicked voice, Phineas speaks to his pet.

"Oh, Perry. Thank goodness you're alright! I… I dreamed that you wandered off somewhere… and then you got EATEN ALIVE BY… I couldn't even DESCRIBE IT!"

He holds Perry closer to him as he cries into his teal fur.

As much as he wanted to comfort his family and show him that everything would be alright for him, he couldn't let him know his secret.

That was when he made a promise to himself: to be more careful while on future missions. Because there really is a chance he might never come back.

As he hears Phineas keep crying, he's also going to try to make Snowflake Day more fun for him this year.

He has no plans to go anywhere.

"Heart… you've done it again."

Van Gogh yawns as he looks at Abe. The past six hours have been testy for him to say the least. Only once in a while did Abe agree with him when it came to the creative decisions on the painting.

"Well, I gotta hand it to you, Abe. Even though there are a lot of things I personally disagree with you on, I got to remind myself that at the end of the day, it's still YOUR gift to Cleo."

Abe scratches his chin. "Oh, I don't think we're done yet. I keep getting this feeling that it's still missing something."

Van Gogh smirks again. "Ah, that would be your artistic drive! I get those myself every once in a while after I finish a painting… WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Shaking a can of lavender spray paint, Abe smiles at Van Gogh.

"Putting on the final touches on our painting!"

Abe goes on to spray paint the painting they've worked all night on. Van Gogh closes his eyes as he waves his hands.

"OUR painting, Abe!? No. NO! This isn't our painting anymore now that you've RUINED it with your stupid lavender spray-"

He opens his eyes only for him to be astonished at what he is seeing. If there were any specks of light coming from this painting earlier in the night, they have now grown into heavenly rays seemingly coming off of the canvas.

All thanks to the artistic genius of Abe Lincoln.

Speaking of Abe, he's now dipping a paintbrush into some black paint.

"You're right, Van Gogh. I don't know what I was thinking adding that lavender spray paint. I'll just paint over it with…"

Abe couldn't continue talking, as Van Gogh went to tackle him to the floor. Paint making its way onto both their clothes.

Van Gogh didn't care however, as he stares daggers into Abe.

"ABE! As an artist, I shall not allow you to DEFILE this masterpiece!"

Abe's eyes widen. "Wait… masterpiece?"

Van Gogh looks away from Abe and at the painting. "I feel like I could stare at this for an hour and still not get tired of it. Cleo's a lucky girl now that she has a boyfriend as talented as you."

He gets off of him and looks at him again.

"Abe, I would be honored if you would let me unveil this at Cleo's Snowflake Day party!"

Abe scratches his head. "Well, Van Gogh. If you like it THAT much, I guess I shouldn't be arguing with you. Cleo's party is in 12 hours anyway. What are we going to do until then?"

Taking a second to think, Van Gogh gives a suggestion. "Dr. Who marathon?"

"Dr. Who marathon!" Shouts Abe.

Before he could say anything else however, a thought crosses his mind.

During the half hour that Van Gogh spent retrieving his collection from his house, Abe decided on his quote of the day and posts it on Facebook.

"I am seeking. I am striving.

I am in it with all my heart. -Vincent Van Gogh."

He later goes on to sit with his friend as they start off their marathon together. The snacks on the table were plentiful and of wide variety.

"He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion, pain, to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world… no one had ever done it before."

Van Gogh smiles warmly. "Perhaps no one ever will again."

The music of 'Joy to the World' can be heard as everybody at Cleo's Snowflake Day party was having a good time.

Lamb tacos, bite-sized wieners, and a punch bowl are on the refreshments table as the clones walk past it.

Taking a bite out of a lamb taco, Mark Antony brushes his red hair from his eyes as he keeps reading JFK's fanfiction which he pulled up on his phone.

"Snowflake Jake looks down at the bloody corpse of Toadsimon beneath him. Miniature pebbles of ice start forming in his eyes.

"I can't believe I just killed him. Why would he throw his own life away like that?"

"This is war." Said Mario. "The only good rebellious toad… is a dead one."

Damn… JFK this just got really dark!"

JFK shrugs his shoulders. "I didn't even know I could WRITE something like that! It, er uh, just came to me from nowhere!"

Vergil smiles as he nods his head. "I gotta say, when you had this idea for a story where Mario has to put down a toad rebellion, I didn't think you'd actually do it. Those decaying race tracks were a nice touch."

Caligula points at JFK. "Yeah! I wanna see more of DK in the future, too!"

Standing in a corner of the living room, Joan speaks to Gandhi, who's looking down at his phone.

"Is it just me, or does it look like three guys fawning over something JFK WROTE!?"

Gandhi looks up from his phone. "Joan, the guys at Fanfiction Club are EASILY entertained! I once sent Caligula an anime meme compilation and he friended me on facebook!"

Before Joan could say anything back, she hears the noise of a spoon clinking on a glass. Abe has captured everyone's attention.

"Everyone! It is now time for the traditional Snowflake care satchel exchange!"

He takes a second to look over at Van Gogh standing beside the veiled painting that they created together and nodded. Van Gogh nodding back.

Looking away from him, he then looks at Cleo, who's looking as beautiful as ever, and continues speaking.

"Cleo, we've been together for a long time… almost three months… and that's why I had to make this gift perfect!" He points at Van Gogh. "Vincent Van Gogh, unveil the masterpiece!"

After giving a short salute, Van Gogh tightly grabs the white sheet covering the painting.

This is when Abe intervenes. "SLOWLY! Just… pull it slowly… please."

Van Gogh sighs. "I have unveiled paintings BEFORE, Abe! I know what I'm doing!"

That caught Cleo's attention. "Wait… there's a PAINTING under there!?"

As Van Gogh removes the sheet, Cleo focuses her eyes on the work of art that didn't exist even one day ago.

The painting not only shows her, but Abe as well. Abe is smiling while holding a beer in his hand while wrapping his arm around Cleo, who's smirking and giving the middle finger to everyone staring.

For half a second, she felt a little insulted as she's seeing herself flipping her off.

Abe goes on to explain the painting. "I painted us! Now Van Gogh originally wanted us together just smiling, but after a lot of convincing-"

He wasn't able to finish his sentence as Cleo interrupts him.

"I'm confused. Why didn't you just buy me something expensive?"

Abe looks down at Cleo. "I… made this using everything I had. I'm in DEBT now because of this painting."

Cleo shakes her head. "Abe, this is literally just a picture. I take at least a dozen of them myself every day. Watch this."

She takes out her phone and takes a picture of herself flipping the bird.

"There, you see. You didn't need to go into debt."

She walks over to the staircase and picks up her gift to Abe.

Handing it to him, she speaks again. "Now, I'm not sure if you deserve this, but… here."

Abe takes the gift from her and unwraps it. Astonished at what he's seeing.

"Silver spray paint?"

"I still remember those words you said to JFK on Halloween night." Said Cleo. "You said you wanted to paint your golf club silver to make yourself more like vampire hunter Abe Lincoln."

Abe sniffs as he tries to hold back tears. "I didn't think you were listening to that. Oh, Cleo. I'm going to do my very best to get you another gift that's WAY better than the one that-"

Again, Abe found himself getting interrupted. This time by Joan.

"RANDOM DANCE PARTY FOR NO REASON!"

She held up a boombox and played the Snowflake Day Cabbage Patch song. (You know, the one that goes 'licky licky licky.')

While everyone around them lost themselves to the music, Cleo wasn't having it. She grabs Abe's arm. "Come on, Abe. Let's go somewhere private."

As she pushes Abe out the door, she takes a moment to speak with Van Gogh before leaving. "Van Gogh, if you could bring that painting up to my bedroom, that would be a big help. You did a really good job and I'll think of you every time I see it.'

She plants a kiss on his forehead before heading outside, not seeing that he collapsed on the floor with a big smile on his face.

"Anything for you… Cleopatra." He happily says.

Abe's car is the only one that's parked on Teen Sex Cove, but the icy roads that led to their destination is the farthest thing on his mind as he entangled his tongue with Cleo's.

Cleo however, wasn't feeling what he was feeling and pulls away. Facing the front.  
"Cleo, what's wrong?" Said a concerned Abe.

"There's been a lot on my mind lately." Said Cleopatra as she looks at the sight in front of her. "Have you ever had the feeling that there's something… missing from our lives?"

Abe chuckles as he nods in agreement. "I'm way ahead of you, Cleo. There was a time where I felt like there was something missing from MY life!"

Cleo smiles. "You HAVE!? I thought I was the only one!"

Abe continues. "But then it all went away when you agreed to be my girlfriend!"

Cleo's smile quickly fades. "Ugh, No Abe. That's not what I meant!" She looks out the windshield again. "Ever since this school year started, I've been feeling like this. Like my fame was just HANDED over to me while I did nothing to deserve it."

Abe looks at her with concern as she keeps talking. "I keep telling myself that what I'm feeling isn't special. That it'll go away if I ignore it. Now it's getting colder… I feel out of place for some reason."

Abe looks at the frozen windshield along with Cleo. Now that she mentions it, things really do seem kind of out of place. Like he went to sleep one night and woke up in a different continent living a completely different life.

He works up the courage to speak to his girlfriend. "Cleo, I may not know what's going on with, how we're feeling right now, but I want you to know that whatever happens, we're gonna be facing it together.

And if I'm being honest, I can't IMAGINE facing my problems with anybody else but you."

Cleo looks at Abe, her heart feeling warmer by the second. "Thank you Abe. I guess it doesn't matter that you gave me a painting. I'm very lucky to have you as a boyfriend. JFK never really pays attention to what I have to say and MARK…"

An unnerving silence engulfs the two of them. "Well… he's Mark. A good listener, but one I can't get intimate with. Unlike you, Abe."

She then hugs him, who quickly hugs her back.

They stay close to each other for a while before Abe speaks again.

"So… you want to watch me spray paint my golf club?"

Still pressing her head on his chest, Cleo nodded.

"I'd like that."

Later that night, when everyone's gone home, Cleo deleted the picture of herself that she took at the party before looking at Abe and Van Gogh's painting. Her other pictures were moved to the side as she had done.

"Yeah… this is better."


	9. Chapter 9

The multitude of American flags seemingly look down on General Classified as he witnesses the sight in front of him.

He has expected a fight to happen in the shadowy hall of planning that he had taken back from OWCA, but he didn't expect that it would end with two of his fellow conspirators, Skunky-poo and Krabby Kakes, ended up frozen in place right in front of him.

And by his favorite animal of all things.

Taking off the Inator-wristwatch inator that Agent Doof had given him earlier, Perry the Platypus looks at the shadowy figure fearlessly as he gets into a fighting stance.

Behind him is Major Monogram, along with fellow Agent E the bald eagle and Agent B the bulldog.

The major produces a pair of handcuffs and approaches the shadowy figure.

"General Classified!" Monogram announces. "You are under arrest for theft of government property and conspiracy to commit fraud! Surrender peacefully, and you will not be harmed!"

The general is unfazed by what he had just heard. He smirks at Monogram and the three animal agents.

"Oh, Major Monogram. You think I haven't thought about what I'd do in the case of my animal bodyguards not being able to protect me?"

"General Classified! Step forward! This is your final warning!"

The general didn't do what he was told. Instead, he reaches into his coat pocket, frightening the major. "Darn it! Why didn't I bring a gun with me!?" Monogram thinks to himself.

But the general didn't pull out a gun. In his right hand is the iconic orange box of Reese's Pieces candy.

"Are… are those Reese's Pieces?" Asked Monogram. What's he going to do? Eat them?

What the general did next was something that took everyone off guard. He purposely spilled the orange and brown pieces all over the floor right next to the frozen bodies of his animal acquaintances.

As the four OWCA agents look down, a voice from above echoes through the room.

"Woo loo loo loo loo loo loo loo!"

The agents slowly look up to see something jump from flagpole to flagpole above them. Eventually landing in front of the candy.

The purple, hairy, genetically-modified creature with four arms created by GESH: Geshy.

Gathering up the courage to speak, Monogram says to his agents.

"Agents… don't let that… thing scare you! It's just another living, breathing creature that we have to deal with!"

He points at the candy-eating creature. "Agents B and E, neutralize it!"

The fedora wearing eagle and bulldog follow Monogram's orders and charge at the purple creature.

Geshy, noticing this, decided to show his fangs.

Literally.

The second the bulldog and eagle saw the two dozen razor sharp teeth of the creature as it roared at them, they fled in a panic. A look of fear plastered on their faces.

Not just them either, Monogram and Perry stood still like trees.

"An… apex predator." Whispered Monogram. Perry looks up at him.

The major then fell to his knees. Trying to understand what he had just seen.

"The lion does not feel guilty when it kills a gazelle. People don't feel guilty when they accidentally squish an ant."

Perry looks at Geshy again. It feels like he's staring literal death in the face. With teeth like that, that thing could chew and swallow him whole in less than a second.

But if he stays behind and tries to fight it, it could give Monogram some time to flee.

Taking a sweet, deep breath, the platypus enters his fighting stance while thoughts of Phineas and Ferb play with his mind. Everytime that he puts on the fedora over the years, he knew that there was a chance that he may never see the two again.

Now the day that he has feared has finally come. He's staring death in the face and that face is purple.

Monogram, now realizing what's happening, yells out of Agent P. "Agent P! There's no shame in retreating! I'll be damned if I let you die!"

General Classified then stands up from his seat. "That's quite enough, Geshy!"

A folder in hand, he moves in between Geshy and Perry.

"Listen, I'm willing to pay almost any price so that the United States becomes the undisputed ruler of the world, but I'm not going to hurt a majestic animal like the platypus just to get OWCA off my back."

He politely hands Perry the folder he's holding.

"THIS is what happens to an animal after they get a little too close to Geshy, here."

Without thinking, Perry snatches the folder from the shadowy figure and opens it. Only to wish he hadn't a second later.

If he had ever seen a photograph that's more graphic than the one he's holding right now, he couldn't remember it.

The amount of shock that he had felt was so great, he instantly lost all his strength and collapsed in front of the major. His fedora slipping off his head and ending up falling off the platform the four are standing on.

Monogram couldn't believe what he was seeing. What was possibly his best agent fainting in front of him. "I can't believe it. There isn't anything we can do. If we don't do this, who will?"

General Classified looks down the hole the fedora fell into.

"Yeah, I'll get one of the other shadowy figures to get that hat for you. Sorry about that."

"Memory is a reward of your personal experience.

It is a record of trial and error; defeat and success.

Past failures will warn you against repeating them. - Wilfred Peterson."

JFK shakes his head at what he just read. "That chowdahead Lincoln thinks he's acting all clever when he posts quotes on the internet."

He puts his phone back in his pocket.

"Last time I check out social media while doing my morning jog!"

As he jogs past the trees leading up to Teen Sex Cove, he notices that it's getting pretty windy.

This didn't stop him however, from finding a place to sit down and continue writing his Mario fanfiction. Mark had told him that there's inspiration everywhere and that there's no shortage of it in nature.

Pulling out a small notebook and pencil, he starts writing.

"A cold chill travels down the spines of the Mario brothers as they witness the toad rebel not fall to his death, but defy gravity as the crown that he is wearing starts to glow.

Hark! This thing writes itself!"

He then feels a sudden gust of wind caress his face before pelting him with a Twix candy bar wrapper. He quickly grabs on to it.

"Ugh! Who the hell would litter in a place as beautiful as this!?"

As soon as he asked that question, a familiar voice then spoke from the inside of his head.

"Thanks for sharing that Twix bar with me, Jackie Boy. I don't know if I could actually finish the whole thing."

He scratches his head. "Huh? Jackie boy?"

The familiar voice then speaks again, this time, seemingly from behind him.

"We had some good times together, didn't we, Jackie boy?"

He stands up and turns around, only to take a step back at what he's seeing.

A clone. About the same age as he is, only transparent and seems pretty roughed up. Tears in his clothes, a plastic bag over his head, a banana peel on his shoulder, and a six pack soda ring tying his hands together.

Finding the courage to speak. "You're a… you're a… g-g-DEAD GUY!"

The figment of JFK's imagination sighs. "Oh brother, not this again. You know me, JFK! Come on! All your memories have GOTTA come back by now!"

JFK raises an eyebrow. "Memories? What the hell are you talk-"

He then stops talking, as multiple images of an old friend start to get more clearer in his mind. His eyes widened at the realization.

"Ponce de Leon?" "Eyyyy. Ring a ding ding! Give the man a prize!"

Overcome with joy, JFK jumps up and down. "Ponce! You're back! Man, I haven't seen you since…"

His giant smile slowly fades away at the realization of what had happened to him.

"Ever since… you know… Ever since before the… OH MY GOD!"

JFK puts his hands on his face as Imaginary Ponce moves closer to him.

"Yeah, it's all coming together, isn't it Jackie boy? The fact that you were born in 1987 and not 2006; I STILL can't believe that!"

"We were FROZEN in place for 20 years!?" Shouted JFK. "And NOBODY ELSE has noticed!?"

Imaginary Ponce tries to console him. "Hey relax, man. Just relax. You're here in 2023 now. It's not the end of the world. Just let it go…"

JFK shoots an angry look at Imaginary Ponce. "Let it go… Let it go… Turn away and slam the door! Wow! Even in death you can be a real, er uh, comedian, Ponce!"

Another thought then crosses his mind. He runs his hands through his hair.

"Oh my god. I was frozen when Frozen 1 and 2 were in the theaters! HOW DO I KNOW THIS!?"

Imaginary Ponce frowns. "You think just because I'm dead, I know everything?"

Watching JFK talk to himself on his monitor, Scudworth rubs his head.

"Oh no… this isn't good."

Walking across the courtyard of Clone High, Caligula speaks to Vergil.

"How many times have you been rejected?"

"Four. And you?"

Caligula sighs. "Six. Three of those were from the Bronte sisters. Apparently, they didn't consider fanfiction to be literature."

They walk into the main building together. Vergil speaks again.

"Did you see how many girls tried to ask Mark out to Winter Prom? I'm surprised they didn't try to get to us so that they can try to get to him."

He then notices that Caligula had stopped walking; something had caught his eye.

"Huh; what are you look-"

He looks in Caligula's direction only to be as astonished as he is.

It's not just the two guys either. Everybody in the hallway has their attention on one girl.

Joan of Arc.

"That's Joan!" "By the beard of Zeus!" "What a fox!" "Is it cliche to say hubba-hubba!"

The stylistically changed teenage girl with a new makeover then trips over her heels, silencing everybody.

As she gets back up, Vergil looks at Caligula. "I call first dib-"

Caligula wasn't having any of it however, as he pushes Vergil onto the lockers. "Out of the way, loser!"

He quickly approaches Joan. "Joan of Arc! How would you like to go to prom with the clone of the brave Roman emperor who raged a war on Poseidon himself!"

Joan's response was exactly how one would think she'd respond. She karate chopped Caligula in the neck. Making him fall to the ground and start struggling to breathe.

It was then that Vergil ran up to Joan, jumping over his suffocating friend on the way.

He gets on his knees as he follows Joan around.

"I'm just a clone of a shy poet and one that never knew a woman. So will you please go to the prom with me?"

Joan saw right through Vergil's facade and elbows him in the face. "OW!"

"I'm waiting for someone SPECIAL to ask me… someone more like…"

She then hears Dante's voice from down the hall.

"Abe, if you want to ask Cleo to prom, just ask her. It doesn't have to be special."

He's having a discussion with Abe.

"Yeah, but she's the clone of Cleopatra the Seventh." Said Abe. "Everything's gotta be perfect, you know?"

Dante shakes his head. "Yeah, and Beatrice can bench press 250 pounds. I simply asked her to prom, despite her going to a different school, and she was cool with it. What's your point?"

Abe was about to hand the argument over to Dante when he sees a familiar face. "Oh, hey Joan, what's-"

It was right then and there that his mind went wandering off elsewhere. Joan looks different and he knows that he's seen her in that way before.

Not believe. Know.

As Joan stares back at him, Abe pieces together everything that had happened during the time that Joan had gotten a makeover.

The magical night at the meat locker. The floating Joan heads over Cleo's privates.

I, uh, didn't see it coming either. And by 'it' I mean ME!

Seeing her in bed with JFK. The guy who had led him into that freezer.

All in the year 2003. Seemingly three years before he was even born.

"Augh!" Abe sputters out while placing his hand on his forehead.

Joan looks at him with concern and so did Dante.

"Abe, are… are you okay?" She says to him.

Abe waves her off. If he told her everything that he had just seen, she probably won't believe him. "I'll… I'll be fine, Joan… I just need some fresh air!"

He runs off, leaving Joan and Dante behind.

Dante crosses his arms. "What the hell is HIS problem!?"

Nearby, JFK is crying at the sink of the girl's restroom.

Whether it be 2003 or 2023, the ladies don't seem to mind as much as long as it's him and not some other pervert.

He speaks to his reflection. "What do I do now!? Where do I go? Now that I know my whole life's a lie!"

It was then that his reflection starts talking back, just like it did back many years ago. "Those are some pretty big questions for you to ask yourself, pretty boy! Especially since this whole thing was YOUR fault in the first place!"

JFK raises his hands. "Whoa whoa! Where did THIS come from!?"

His reflection talks back. "Don't play stupid with me! The room that you and Joan just so happened to be in was the same flash freezer that froze everybody. If only you tried to take a lady HOME with you, instead of STAYING at that prom where you KNEW you couldn't be prom king for the third year in a row."

JFK closes his eyes and covers his ears. "Shut up. Just SHUT UP!"

His reflection didn't shut up. It keeps talking.

"You could've been the hero of Clone High. You could have saved everybody from that freezer, but what did you do instead? You paid more attention to your ding-a-ling than your brain! Who the heck has sex in a freezer anyway!?"

JFK breaks down in tears. "AUGH! You're right! Everything WAS my fault! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY!"

His reflection speaks. "Don't tell me you're sorry, tell THEM you're sorry! Especially JOAN! You PROBABLY hurt her the most!"

JFK sniffs. "But HOW have I hurt-" "JFK?"

He turns around to see the very familiar face of Joan of Arc staring back at him. The real knock-out betty herself.

His eyes wander all over the bathroom. "Joan… I...I er uh…"

Joan continues staring at him as he falls to his knees in front of her. "Oh, Joan! I've been a fool! Joan, it's all my fault that you're standing right in front of me this very second!"

Joan takes a step back. "You're… kinda preaching to the choir, JFK. But exactly are you talking about?"

"An old friend came to visit me from… from my head. I thought everything was going well for me until he showed me a bunch of HORRIBLE things!"

JFK stands back up. "I don't know why I'm saying this to you. I'll… I'll show myself out now."

Just as JFK was starting to walk out of the room, Joan grabs his arm.

"This friend of yours…" She says to him. "He wouldn't be Ponce de Leon, would it?"

JFK slowly looks back at Joan. "Nobody else remembers Ponce, Joan. That means… you have your memory back, too!"

Joan then bursts out laughing, catching JFK off guard. "HAHAHAHA! Oh JFK, you are so funny! I would have had to LOSE my memories if I had to get them back!"

"You… you don't have any new memories?" Said JFK.

Joan keeps smiling. "When I found out that I've awoken in the year 2023, it took every ounce of my willpower to not freak out at everybody. Am I alive? Am I dead? Was I never born to begin with? I asked myself those questions over and over again every day since August."

"Is that why you haven't told Abe how you feel? Because you needed some time to, er uh, get a grasp on the future?"

Joan points at JFK. "Ring a ding ding. Now that you know my secret, keep it to yourself! I have sacrificed EVERYTHING that I am so I can try to get Abe to love me! They WALKED in on us, JFK! My plan WORKED! And it's going to work again! I know it!"

"Oh, I can do a lot more than just keep a secret, Joan!" Said JFK. "You've said it yourself, you've used me before and you can use me again!"

Joan scratches her head. "Abe still chose Cleo over me even though I had a makeover. That could work. But tell me one thing… how do I know you're not trying to… get intimate with me… again!?"

JFK looks away from Joan. "I guess… I want to try and make things right."

He exits out the bathroom, leaving Joan all by herself.

That didn't last long, because he walked right back in.

"Forgot to wash my hands!" As he turns on the faucet, he nods at his reflection.

His reflection nods back.

It's now early in the evening and a shirtless Abe is holding up his silver painted golf club with both hands.

He closes his eyes. "I am Abe Lincoln, clone of the 16th president of the United States." He takes a deep breath. "And I am no coward!"

He then goes on to strike the tree in front of him with the golf club. Effectively denting the protective bark.

A familiar voice then shouted behind him. "Abe, what the hell are you doing!? Trees have feelings!"

He looks back to see a concerned Cleopatra looking back at him.

Before long, they are back at his house, in the kitchen with Abe pouring a bottle of non-alcoholic beer into a blender with ice in it.

"Abe, I'm worried about you." Said Cleo. "I still can't believe that you were out there for an hour. What if you get sick before the prom!?"

Abe goes on to add a cup of greek yogurt into the blender.

"I'm not a stranger to the cold. Or to pain."

"I've NEVER seen you like this before, Abe!" Said Cleo. "Please tell me what's bothering you!"

"You'll never understand!" Said Abe as he adds some frozen strawberries into the blender. "Not just you either. NOBODY can understand!"

"I still want to know what's troubling you so I can help!" Cleo says as Abe scoops some peanut butter out of a jar and into the blender.

"And why exactly DO you want to help me!?" Said Abe as he slams the jar on the counter.

Seeing this, Cleo composes herself a little before speaking. "Because I am your girlfriend, Abe! I'm supposed to help you when you're troubled with something!"

Abe sighs. There's no point in arguing.

"Okay Cleo, there's this guy who… I want to hurt really bad…"

This took Cleo off guard. "Oh my. Um… Why DO you want to hurt him?"

Abe opens a can of Ovaltine drink mix. "I guess… he hurt me in a way that I'll never recover from."

Cleo looks at the floor. "Abe I… I know the feeling."

After adding a few spoonfuls of Ovaltine, Abe closes the blender. "You do?"

Cleo nods. "I… want to tell you something, Abe. It's my deepest, darkest secret that I don't want you to tell ANYONE, you understand!"

Abe holds the lid of the blender down as he presses the pulse button a few times. "Your secret is safe with me, Cleo."

Cleo sniffs. "Abe… I'm not sure how to say this, but…" She raises her hands up. "I'M NOT THE CLONE OF CLEOPATRA!"

That caught Abe's attention. He held his finger on the pulse button for a few seconds before letting go.

"What!? But… how!?" Said Abe. "They dug up Cleopatra's body just like they dug up Abraham Lincoln's and everybody elses, right? Otherwise you wouldn't BE here!"

Cleo takes a deep breath. "Abe, for the past 2,000 years, NOBODY has found the tomb of Cleopatra! That fact came as a shock to me!

They… they found a bunch of mummified corpses in Taposiris Magna, I… I THINK my clone mother is a high priestess that lived there during Ptolemaic Egypt!"

Absorbing this information, Abe rubs the back of his head. "Hmm… it makes sense. It also makes me wonder how many clones are out there who aren't really clones of historical figures. But why are you telling me this?"

Cleo explains. "Abe, for the longest time, I've acted like a clone of a pharaoh even though I'm NOT! That's because every day, I walk along people who ARE clones of historical figures, including YOU!

But when I'm with you, I feel like I can be MYSELF, not what other people think of me."

She looks down at the floor again as Abe pours the contents of the blender into two glasses. "Let's go to the living room." She hears him say.

Before long, they're close together on the couch. Cleo's feeling a little better as she sips Abe's drink. "This smoothie tastes good."

Abe looks at his. "Does it? I just threw together a bunch of random stuff. Heh."

They stay silent for a little while before Abe speaks again.

"Cleo, I have something important to ask you."

Cleo looks up at Abe. "Hmm. What is it?"

Abe gives a warm smile. "There was a time in my life where I had a crush on you only because of how you looked, but over time, and even right now as I'm talking, I started to learn something very important.

There's more to a girl than her looks. Behind every girl is a life that she has to maintain in every way like a guy's. You've helped me realize this.

I know this isn't a fancy or elaborate proposal, but you've… always been the one for me.

Cleopatra Smith, as a clone of a priestess and not the last pharaoh of Egypt,

Will you be my prom date?"

Cleo's eyes then lit up. "YES! Of course I'll go with you!"

She quickly puts her drink down and wraps her arms around his neck; planting kisses all over his face and neck.

"This prom is so going to be the night of our lives. The theme is totally kickass compared to the last two years: A Night at the Magical Forest!"

She kisses her finger and rubs it on Abe's earlobe, causing him to chuckle.

"Heh heh."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this very special ending of my story!

In his office, Scudworth is making a phone call. Mr. B is calmly pouring a cup of tea beside him.

"Hey, Doofenshmirtz! It's me, your old pal Scudworth!

Listen, could you call me back as soon as you get this? I have a favor that I need to ask of you. I'm paying… handsomely.

Okay, I hope you're doing well and… call me back."

Wearing white tuxedos, Vergil and Caligula look at the other ten guys in the RV who are also wearing matching white tuxes.

Gandhi, being his usual self, sticks his head out the vehicle's sunroof.

"Gentlemen! Check this out! I got my head sticking out this vehicle's sunroof as it's driving! I bet no one's ever thought of this!"

Vergil shakes his head and leans closer to Van Gogh. "Between you and me, I'm starting to think this isn't a good idea."

Van Gogh talks back. "Hey, if you wanna stay single, go right ahead."

Meanwhile, Caligula is speaking with Moses. "Mark isn't your half-brother. Stop lying!"

"I swear he is. Bible truth." Said Moses. "We're both clones of Charlton Heston."

Caligula turns to face Vergil. "Vergil! Moses said that he isn't the clone of Moses! Can you believe that!?"

Vergil raises an eyebrow. "Everybody knows, Cal. Where have you been the last five years?"

52 year old Tommy Walter, lead singer of Abandoned Pools, sighs as he reads the text message that he received from Scudworth.

"DO NOT PLAY START OVER

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!"

"Were the all caps really necessary?" He shakes his head before facing the other members of the band.

He couldn't believe that he was about to play in front of the same group of cloned teenagers that he performed in front of exactly 20 years ago. He strums a few chords on his guitar as he looks at all the fake trees scattered around the gym.

Twenty-five thousand dollars is twenty-five thousand dollars at the end of the night anyway. Plus, he already collected ten-thousand of it up front.

Just as they had practiced, the band began to play.

"I could use… a shot your novacaine.

My… soul's a fuse… Blows away your name.

…

Then you can be the remedy, and I can be the enemy,

And he can go and live as nothing!"

Dancing along to the song, Cleo, wearing her finest crimson dress, speaks to Abe.

"This is so awesome, Abe. I mean, the winter prom! This is supposed to be the best night of our lives, and it is!"

Not paying attention to anybody else in the gym, Abe looks down at Cleo. "Yeah, you look great tonight."

Slow dancing with JFK, Joan couldn't keep her eyes off of Abe. When is he gonna recognize his feelings for her?

"Joan and JFK, what a surprise!"

The two of them look over to see Dante and Beatrice move towards them. Looking as happy as ever with Dante wearing a black and red tuxedo and Beatrice wearing a white and light blue prom dress.

"Dante!" JFK yells out. "Haha! How've you been, man!? I see you've, er uh, taken Beatrice to prom!"

Dante chuckles. "Yeah. The two of us wouldn't miss prom for the world."

He takes a second to look at Joan from the top of her head to the heels on her feet. "So… you and Joan, huh? How's that working out for you?"

Hearing what Dante had to say, Joan started to fake laughing. "Hahaha! Oh Dante, you're so funny!"

Beatrice puts her hands on her hips as she shakes her head. In her alluring German accent, she speaks. "That's not a genuine laugh. I should know."

Joan's smile quickly fades away as she looks at the girl from GESH. "You… you can tell I wasn't really laughing?"

Noticing that he needed to change the topic of the conversation, JFK speaks.

"Hey aren't they gonna be announcing who the prom king is soon? I thought really hard about who I, er uh, was going to vote for, Dante. I chose you."

Joan's smile returns to her face. "Yeah, I voted for you too. If there's anybody here who deserves that crown, it's you."

Dante chuckles again. "Well thanks a lot guys. I really appreciate it. But I think the title of prom king is gonna go to somebody else."

"Attention, everybody! May I have everybody's attention, please!"

On the stage is Mr. Sheepman, who dyed his wool tuxedo black for this occasion. He continues speaking.

"In my hand here is the envelope that contains the name of the new prom king. Now I gotta say, the Elvis twins were responsible for counting the votes and they said that they casted their votes when the winner already won. They were very excited to hand me this."

To the surprise of everybody, he stuffs the envelope in his mouth only to take a soggy sheet of paper out of it a few seconds later.

"And your new prom king is…"

JFK crosses his fingers as he wipes some sweat from his forehead.

"Dante Alighieri!"

Dante's eyes lit up as soon as he heard his name being called. Everybody surrounding him was congratulating and patting him on the back as he made his way to the stage.

Getting down on one knee, he lets Mr. Sheepman put the crown on his head.

The crowd began chanting. "Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!"

Dante smiles as he walks towards the microphone.

"Uh, hello guys! It's uh, it's me, Dante. Leader of Fanfiction Club. Um… okay, show of hands, how many of you HAVE voted for me? Come on, don't be shy."

Slowly, a third of all the people in the gym raised their hands. Shortly followed by another third… and then the rest.

Seeing that everybody in the gym voted for him, Dante became astonished.

"Wow...I… I don't know what to say, just… wow."

He looks over to Beatrice to see her smiling at him. He smiles back.

As Joan sat down by a table, Abe approaches her.

"Hey, how's your night?"

In response, Joan started fake laughing again.

"Hahaha! Abe, you're so funny!"

"Yeah Joan I'm hilarious." Said Abe. "Anyway. Enough about that. Do you, by any chance, know where JFK is? Something… important just came up and only he and I need to talk it over."

Joan looks at Abe with curiosity. "You… wanna be alone with JFK? Um… what do you want to talk to him about? Why not talk with him after prom?"

"Because of how important it is and I want to speak with him NOW, Joan!" The moment Abe said 'now' was when Joan felt that something wasn't right. This isn't anything like what he said twenty years ago. "If you don't tell me, I'll just find him by myself. Do you know where he is? Yes or no."

Without wasting any time, Joan answers. "Yes. He's outside. He said he needed some fresh air."

Abe smiles. "I was already heading over there, Joan. Thanks so much for your help."

Getting increasingly nervous, Joan let out a different kind of laughter. "Heh. Heh. Anytime, Abe."

Right outside the gym, JFK can be seen blowing out a purple cloud. A rolled up piece of paper with a certain dried fruit enclosed is in his hand.

"I'll need any kind of placebo effect to get me through the night." He says to himself. "JFK…"

"Eep!" He shouts out as he sees Abe Lincoln walk up to him with the creepiest of smiles on his face.

"Is that a raisin blunt you're holding there, buddy?" He asked him.

JFK looks at the blunt he's holding. "Yeah, I know these things don't really, er uh, intoxicate us… but tonight's just got me really nervous for some weird…"

That was when JFK stopped himself. How did Abe know that there were raisins in his blunt and not actual drugs? "Er uh…"

Still having that creepy smile on his face, Abe chuckles. "Heh heh. Come take a walk with me, JFK. There's something I want to show you."

Crushing the blunt with his hands before throwing it in a nearby trash can, JFK puts his hands in his pockets. This is Abe we're talking about. There's nothing he can say or do that can actually hurt a guy as strong as he is.

Abe continues speaking as they walk towards his car.

"You know, originally, I planned to give you a long quote of Abraham Lincoln, but I think I'm going to speak my mind on this one:

JFK, I've had a chance to look around and I've come to appreciate everything people have managed to create over the last 20 years.

The smartphone ALONE has changed the world in ways we never thought possible. With wireless internet service, we're now able to access information faster and easier than ever before…"

JFK raises an eyebrow. "I, er uh, already KNOW all that stuff! Why are you telling me this!?"

Abe takes out his car keys and inserts them into the keyhole of his car trunk. "You should also already know, JFK, that the worst thing you can ever take away from a person is their time. I wasn't born yesterday, or on any date in the 21st century!"

He opens the trunk, sending a chill down JFK's spine. "I never got to see the world change for myself, JFK. Whose fault do you think that is?"

JFK struggles to speak. "I, er uh, eh…" "I'll tell you."

Abe takes out his silver painted golf club from out the trunk and slams it shut. "It's you. You're the reason why we're all stuck here in 2023 with all these fake memories! Do you feel ANY guilt for what you have done!?"

JFK raises his hands. "Whoa! WHOA! You aren't gonna do what I THINK you're gonna do! I'll crush you to a PULP if you, er uh, even think to hit me with that golf club!"  
This doesn't faze Abe. "Every second you walk unharmed brings me a different kind of pain, and I'll do anything to stop it! Even if it means getting hurt for real!"

JFK gulps. That golf club does look dangerous. "If I, er uh, say that you could have Joan as a girlfriend with my help, would you try to, you know, not hurt me?"

Abe gives an angry sigh. "I already regret ditching Cleo once. I won't do it again!"

The two of them get into their fighting stances. They know they're going to be walking away from this bruised and bloody.

Back inside the gym, Dante continues with his speech.

"And regardless of whether or not I have been elected prom king, this still is the best night of my life. Not just because it's prom night, but because I get to spend it with a girl that I'm lucky to be together with: Beatrice Portman!"

The clone students applaud Beatrice as she happily waves at them.

Dante continues speaking. "Now, if anybody else doesn't have anything to say, I'd say that it's time for the traditional prom king-led conga line!"

As she sees the multitude of people(Fanfiction club, Gandhi's prom posse, anybody else not mentioned by name, etc.) start to form the conga-line, Cleo rolls her eyes. "Where the hell is Abe?"

Dante points at Tommy. "Abandoned Pools! Hit it!"

Tommy points back at Dante. "You got it, prom king!"

The band starts off another song as the conga line starts moving.

"Wipe away the summer air!

You don't wanna see…

That's you in that photograph from 1973,

And you don't even know me…

…

God only knows I wanna be,

The other side of misery!

Gimme a plate of Fluorescein!

I'm gonna paint an ugly scene!"

As everybody was having a good time inside the building, JFK and Abe were experiencing the opposite outside as they continued their fight.

JFK tries to punch Abe in the face only to see that he quickly jumped backwards in response.

Taking advantage of the space between them, Abe treats his golf club like an extension of his arm and directly slams the end of his weapon on JFK's skull. "AAAHH!"  
Ignoring the throbbing pain on his head, JFK closes the distance between him and Abe by rushing a left hook straight into his gut.

This doesn't work for him however, as Abe simply takes advantage of the lack of distance between them while also taking the force of his punch. He tightens his grip on his weapon as he brings it down on his opponent's left shoulder blade. "AUGH!"

JFK couldn't believe what he was feeling right now. He felt something under his skin start to move when it made contact with the club handle.

He's probably going to have to go to the hospital and get it checked out.

The noise of JFK screaming still fresh in his mind, Abe kneed him in the stomach, causing him to lose his balance and fall to the hard ground below him.

His head hurting, his shoulder hurting, his arm hurting, his pride hurting; JFK looks up at Abe. Now JFK has always looked up at Abe before due to him being of taller height, but now he seems like a peasant looking up at a giant from one of those fairy tales.

And just like a scared peasant, JFK feared the giant looking down at him right now.

Tears gathering up in his eyes, he changes his tone as he starts speaking.

"How could you hurt me like this, Abe? How did you get so… so strong!?"

Abe smirks as he continues looking down at the guy he hates the most. "How you ask? I'll tell you how. I trained. Not for five, ten, or even fifteen minutes of training either.

I trained for a full HOUR. In the cold with my shirt off, I may add. It made me much more stronger than ever before!

If only you didn't screw up as much as you did back then, you wouldn't have had to face ME!

You brought this on YOURSELF!" "OKAY!"

Tears start running down JFK's face.

"You win, Abe! Break my bones for all I care! I don't blame you! Everything WAS my fault!"

Abe smirks. That was exactly what he wanted to hear. He raises his golf club over his head.

"Just so you know, JFK… I don't expect anybody to love me anymore after I do this…"

JFK slams his eyes as he raises his right arm, hoping that whatever pain he'll be feeling soon, would quickly pass.

But that pain didn't come…

"AAAHH!" Abe screams in pain as he takes a few steps back. JFK looks up to see the face of his savior.

"JOAN!"

Holding her stun gun tightly. Joan looks at Abe with disgust.

Abe was the first to speak. "Joan! Who the hell do you think you're TASING!"

"What is wrong with you!?" Joan answers Abe's question with a question. "It wasn't JFK's fault for freezing everybody! Stop thinking that right now!"

Abe kept baring his teeth at her. How could she have come to that conclusion?

Joan continues. "You think JFK PLANNED to have us all frozen for 20 years!? THINK ABE! There was only one thing on his mind! Rather, one person on his mind… that being me."

Abe raises his head up as he continues to look down at Joan.

"So… you ALSO know everything that happened back in 2003."

Joan sighs. "Abe… I know what we're facing now is… something none of us ever expected to face… But I still want you to know… despite everything… I still love you…"

Abe relaxes his shoulders. "You… STILL love me?" "You still love him!?" JFK shouted at the same time.

Joan gives a small smile as she recalls her thoughts of Abe. "Yes Abe, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of you. You went into that freezer before everybody else did. If only I had waited another hour. Maybe if I just went back to Cleo's house instead of sitting on those steps. I would have ended up sleeping with you and not JFK…"

She then raises her hands as she looks at Abe.

"Abe… I've had a crush on you for a very long time now. I know you're with Cleopatra right now, but if it's okay with you… would you start dating me instead of her?"

A winter breeze caresses Abe's face as he takes a second to think it over. But only for a second.

Abe shakes his head no. Joan's smile slowly disappears.

"I'm sorry, Joan. There was a time where I was confused about who I wanted to love. And I DID fall in love with you for a little bit of time back then. But I never really stepped back and thought about how I've hurt CLEO!"

His mind then wanders back to all the good times he had with her back in 2002 and 2003. The airport where he had his first kiss with Cleo. The time they smoked raisins together while stargazing. The time he cleaned up litter with her after Ponce's death. The time where he opened his locker to see that she stuffed herself in it and patiently waited for him. The morning after JFK's party where she slipped him a note. She appreciated his honesty about the non-alcoholic beer and wanted him to know that.

Snowflake Day 2003. "You know what, Abe. It doesn't matter that you got me a crappy present. I'm happy to have you as a backup gift."

Looking back on those better days, he wouldn't change a single thing about them.

He drops his golf club as he runs his fingers through his hair while thinking of those pleasant memories.

"I can finally see that nothing truly stays the same. The world has changed and it's important that WE have to change with it or else we'll get left behind by everybody else. The one who helped me realize that is the one who's having a good time in that gym right now: Cleopatra Smith! My one TRUE love!"

To say that Abe's words hurt Joan would be an understatement. It's like if he had grabbed a knife and extracted her heart out of her body.

That image playing in her head, Joan fell to her knees as she dropped her stun gun. She began crying. "Oh Abe… I…"

Abe looks at Joan with pity. "Hey, if it makes you feel any better, we can still be friends. I just won't see you nearly as much as I would see Cleo and I'd talk about nothing but-"

That was when Abe felt a tap on his shoulder. He turns around only to get punched in the eye by JFK.

"DINGER!" He shouts out as he falls to the ground.

"That's for, er uh, breaking her heart!" JFK shouts before spitting on him.

Grabbing his throbbing shoulder with his right hand, he walks over to Joan.

"So… I think it's safe to say that it hurts more than when you cried twenty years ago."

What Joan did next surprised him, she hugged him tightly as she cries into his chest.

"WHY! Why doesn't he like me, JFK!? What's wrong with me!?"

JFK pushes her away and looks directly into her eyes.

"Look at me! Look at me! There's nothing wrong with you, Joan! Abe just doesn't see you in that way!"

Joan looks away. "You're just saying that so you can try to sleep with me again, AREN'T YOU!?"

"NO! That's not it at all!" Said JFK. "You make me feel more than just that, Joan! I was blaming MYSELF before you, er uh, pointed out that it wasn't my fault we're here!"

Joan sniffs, and starts to smile. "You mean… I helped you when you needed it most?"

JFK nodded. "Just like the time you started that teen crisis hotline! I, er uh, appreciate your commitment to community service!"

Joan blushes as she moves closer to him. "Those are, uh, words that I wanted a certain someone to say to me… You know, JFk, it really is nice to know that you're there for me. Even though I may not always appreciate it."

JFk moves closer. "Joan, if it's okay with you, how about we ditch this place for real this time and… hang out."

"Nah, screw that!" Said Joan, who's mostly cheered up thanks to JFK. "Let's go on a date! You could show me that fanfiction that you've been working so hard on!"

JFK looks into Joan's eyes. "You took the words right outta my-"

It was then that he stopped talking. Joan could only watch in fear as he saw her soon to be lover freeze in a giant block of ice right in front of her.

She turns her head to face the attacker, but only to get frozen herself, "AAAHH JF-"

As soon as he heard Joan screaming, Abe perked his head up. Quickly understanding that the two people in front of him suddenly became encapsulated in giant blocks of ice.

It lasted only for less than a second, however, as they seemingly got teleported away by a wristwatch worn by some random man in a lab coat.

"A… a pharmacist!?" Abe managed to yell.

"Ugh, seriously? You just saw me freeze AND teleport two of your fellow clones and you STILL think I'm a pharmacist!? I think I could cure CANCER and everybody would still think I'm one!" Doofenshmirtz shakes his head before pointing at Abe. "Now listen up, clone of Abraham Lincoln, the reason why I had to freeze your friends was that they simply knew too much!"

"Well then what are you waiting for!?" Shouted Abe. "Freeze me too! Make me forget this fight with JFK! Don't I know too much too!?"

"Er, yeah, about that…" Doof rubs the back of his head. "You see, this watch only has enough juice to freeze and teleport only TWO people. It's pretty much useless after that. Hey, your eye's pretty swollen up, you need any help with that?"

"No."

Doof shrugs his shoulders. "Okay, look Abe, I know it may not seem like it, but we are both dealing with something that's much bigger than the both of us. The moment you see Joan and JFK again, they're going to be acting much… MUCH more differently!"

Abe crosses his arms. "Well, I can already tell that things are going to get worse before they can get better. Just… why are you helping me?"

Doof looks at Abe with pity. "We're in the same boat, Abe. I wish I could tell you more, but things are just too risky as they are now. Maybe I'll see you again some day, but right now, just know this: Your story isn't over."

Abe looks at Doof. "My story isn't over. Right."

Exiting the gym, Cleo looks back at Gandhi and Marie Curie.

"You better not be lying about seeing him leave, Gandhi!"

"I swear I'm telling the truth!" Said Gandhi. "I want answers just as much as you do!"

It was then that they both hear Abe's voice.

"If it's answers that you want… then it's answers that you shall have."

Cleo closes her eyes and sighed. "Abe, where the hell were you when I wanted to-" The second she opened her eyes was when she saw his black eye.

"Oh my god… ABE! Who did this to you!?"

She ran up to him and put her hands on his shoulders. Ready to console him in any way she can.

"It's nothing that you should worry about, Cleo." Said Abe. "It's thanks to him that I can honestly say that while tonight may not be the best night of my life, I have become stronger thanks to it."

Meanwhile, Gandhi focuses his attention on something else.

A random stun gun on the ground.

"Heh heh. Score." He walks up to it and picks it up

The second he does so however, his mind clears itself of any alterations as it reminded him that he got tased by Joan at JFK's party… Six years before he was supposedly born.

The chill that he had experienced back at the Grassy Knoll last year came back to him, this time a hundred times worse as he re-experienced everything.

"Uh, what's wrong, Gandhi? You're looking a little cold."

He sees the face of Marie Curie look at him with concern. It's not unlike the one that Cleo is giving Abe.

He could only force a smile as he vividly remembers everything that happened to him twenty years ago.

"Yes Marie. I am feeling kinda chilly right now. Thanks for asking."

As the sun starts to rise over the town of Exclamation, Abe, dressed in only his tighty-whities, types in his quote of the day on his laptop.

"You know you're in love,

When you can't fall asleep…"

He looks over to the bed behind him to see his girlfriend, Cleopatra, sleeping.

She is completely naked and lying face down hugging a pillow. The blanket covering her lower half.

Abe smirks as he remembers what they did together late into the night. He can still taste her on his tongue.

He goes on to type in the rest of the quote.

"Because reality is finally better than your dreams."

Next time… on the very special next season of Clone High…

Abe's voice: What's wrong with Joan!?

Joan, her hair now longer and unkept with widened eyes, stares into Abe's as she gets uncomfortably close to him. Abe actively searches where he could run away to.

"Joan Lincoln… that's a name I keep repeating to myself before I go to sleep."

Dante's voice: What's wrong with JFK!?

Dante opens his locker and Vergil, Mark Antony, and Caligula fall out of it. JFK had stuffed them in there.

Caligula speaks. "Okay, if anyone asks… I did NOT get a boner in there!"

Gandhi's voice: I get to meet an old friend again.

Abe raises his silver painted golf club at Geshy, who's baring his sharp teeth. "Okay, you purple candy eater. It's time to take your medicine!"

Gandhi moves through the crowd that's running the other direction. "Geshy! Geshy! It's me, Gandhi!"

This astounds Abe. "Wait, Gandhi how do you know Geshy!?"

Monogram's voice: New problems arise.

Major Monogram and Perry look at the computer screen.

"Where the hell did this… frankenclone come from!?"

A humanoid creature mostly covered by the darkness of the cave roars at the camera. Causing Perry to jump into Monogram's arms.

Doof talks to his daughter on the phone.

"Vanessa! I'm not asking you, I'm TELLING you to not speak to these clones!"

Abe's voice:I have the DNA of Abraham Lincoln, but his story ended at Ford's Theater…

Abe's shadow shows that he's putting on a headband and a facemask.

The man in the lab coat was right. My story isn't over.

On the field outside Clone High. Abe Lincoln can be seen wearing all black with a skull facemask and a black and white American flag headband. He's also tightly holding the silver painted golf club in his hands. Ready for a fight.

Behind him is an equally angry JFK, who has brass knuckles on both his hands, and Dante who's holding his hockey stick.

In front of them, General Classified (Shadowy Figure) narrows his eyes at the three before cracking his knuckle.

"Well… it looks like Phase 2 will have to be carried out a little earlier than I thought."

My story is just beginning.

Clone High: The Price of Fame

November 2038

(Post-teaser scene)

Cleo moans as Abe rubs her back. She had just woken up as Abe went back to bed. The events of the previous night are still fresh in their minds.

"Hey Abe, do you remember that funny name I came up with for myself back when we used to smoke raisins?"

Abe laughs. "How could I forget. It was Rain Melon. Boy, that was a crazy-"

Abe stops talking as he realizes what Cleo meant. She smugly looks back at him.

"Oh my god. Cleo, you have your memories back! When!?"

"I'd say about two… no… three seconds after you penetrated me."

Abe sighs as he lies down on the bed and looks up at the ceiling.

"If you remember… then you remember back when I ditched you for Joan… I was such an IDIOT!"

Cleo said nothing, she just moved next to Abe and wrapped her arms around him. Her bare flesh clinging onto his.

"Don't worry Abe. It's alright. We're here now and that's all that matters. We're going to be the best couple that Clone High has ever seen. That's a fact!"

Abe smiles as he looks at Cleo. "I love you, Cleo."

Cleo kisses Abe on the mouth. "I love you too, Abe."

The lovers share a passionate hug. Preparing themselves for the uncertain future ahead.


End file.
